I can't believe I didn't get back to this earlier! Here for the BvB review battle, by the way.
Wow. There is so much suspense at the end of this chapter. It was so amazing, I don't even know where to begin.
I love this chapter. It caught my attention from the very first line. That was a very interesting conversation between Orion and Pollux. I like how there's the consistency in each of their characters from before. Orion seems like a really hot-headed and brash person though. I smell trouble brewing there...
I like how the conversation is interrupted by Regulus. It makes the scene more realistic, and I could imagine the whole thing happening in front of me. That was a small, but remarkable detail that you added there, and I can't help but wonder if it's more significant than it appears to be. One thing that I've realized after reading till here is that it's not possible to guess what's about to happen or what's important. I think that's an incredible way of writing as it keeps the reader on edge throughout every chapter.
Poor Sirius. I understand him feeling the way he does, but isn't the bitterness a bit too much? He tends to overreact all the time, and he's such an idiot to snap at Narcissa over such a simple question. But I think beneath the demeanor, he always has this protectiveness over his brother. I hope that's seen more in the coming chapters. Needless to say, I love your characterization of Sirius, and there always seems to be something new with him every chapter, which is lovely!
Then there's the death! It was so unexpected and the descriptions were so beautifully written. I AM SO CURIOUS NOW. WHAT IS HAPPENING? It seems like suicide but I think it could be murder. IS IT MURDER? Oh wow. The scene described is so serene. It gave me the chills. IT'S MURDER ISN'T IT?
I can't wait to see how you fit all the pieces together! This is such a thrilling story and I'm so glad I came across it. I love every single word here! Great job!
Author's Response: Hey there - and no problem about waiting a while! ;) I'm just glad you came back to it! :)
Gah, thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it - it's a little slower paced than others, I think.
I'm happy you liked the conversation between Orion and Pollux. It's a pretty important conversation - it'll come up again in the future! ;) And yeah, Orion is definitely, er, less cautious (to be polite) than Pollux, and a lot more decisive. I wanted to give him some trait vaguely reminiscent of Sirius, haha, seeing as he is his father! You may well be right about the trouble, though I couldn't say for sure... ;)
Mm... you may be onto something about that interruption. I can tell you, however, that it's not overly important, but might well become more important later. That's really confusing and practically pointless, I know, but it's all I can say without spoiling things! :P I'm so happy you like it - I try to mix things up so it's not so clear how things are going to pan out and so everyone gets an equal turn at being suspicious :P
Oh, Sirius definitely overreacts, and he's incredibly bitter. I kinda wanted to show that he's always sort of overshadowed by Regulus - I've always imagined that Regulus is Narcissa's favourite, you know - so that's kinda where the bitterness is coming from. And his own disappointment at not being handed an escape from the room. He is definitely protective of Regulus, and it will come up later - more scenes of protective-older-brother!Sirius, I promise! :D I'm so glad you like him! :)
Death! Gah, that was such a hard scene to write! Honestly, it was so difficult! Took me about an hour or so just to write that little bit :P I'm glad you liked it, though all your questions - good ones, though! - will have to wait, since I can't say anything! Good questions, though ;)
Thank you so so much for the wonderful review! :)