Ooh! I love Teddy/Victoire stories, and this one did not disappoint! I really loved how the reasoning behind Victoire and Teddy's strictly unmarried lifestyle is because they're both short on time. It's a fairly plausible reason, especially considering their jobs and the circumstances of their home life with Emmaline.
There were a few CCs I did notice though: you tend to switch up your verb tense a lot. I have a feeling this is supposed to be written in past tense, but some of your verbs are present, and you use the words 'last night' in a way that also invokes a very present tense feel.
Also, I'm pretty sure you spelled Louis 'Lewie' at one point, although that could've been only because Victoire was talking to Emmaline, so please feel free to ignore that! :)
The last thing was that at the start you mentioned how Victoire's daughter was enrolled in school? But then why would Victoire need Louis to watch Emmaline during the weekdays? Maybe just look that over quickly!
But other than that, I really did like this! The strange relationship between Van and Victoire was actually really nice to see, and I loved how Van decided to change her name just because of a movie. I also liked how Van is a lesbian, and though it was important in the background of the two women's friendship, it was only just a tidbit of information that was quickly looked over, since it's not really important to Van's character. You handled that very nicely!
And poor Louis! Not being able to see his girlfriend! That is an extremely awkward conversation to have with your sister, but I'm glad he did because it made me laugh! Victoire's reaction to Louis's concerns was priceless as well and I think she handled it much like any older sister would.
Ooh, a letter? Judging by your banner, is it saying that Victoire is going to France? Or is it something bad? I'm going to assume not, but you never know! Anyways, this was a really good first chapter and you seem to have a really good premise on your hands! I absolutely certain that with your writing skills, you will be able to take this story far!
Author's Response: Hey! Wow, thanks for stopping by! :D I'm all happy inside now! :D
I'm glad I'm not disappointing, and that their reasoning is perfectly logical. I'm really bad at coming up with things, and then finding a loophole in them later, but I'm proud of this one. It is modern, and it does explain a lot on their relationship. :)
I'll go back at some point to fix those. That's my biggest writing flaw :(. I get really caught up in the moment haha. And yes, Lewie was for Emmaline. :)
He watches her after school and sometimes has to wake her up for school, pick her up, and all the likes. Victoire's hours change, but with how much she likes proving her availability to work, she stays a lot of evenings. :) I hope that clears that up a little.
Love love love Van! I can't say that enough! :) she's so quirky and adorable, and I just love everything about her. Thank you so much on the compliments! :) it really isn't a big deal, and I didn't feel like it needed to be made into one, another aspect of this being more modern. She is probably my favorite OC at the moment. :)
Ah, the grand old sex talk. ;) so hilarious, and yet utterly embarrassing. I'm glad it made you laugh. Honestly, it was most of the inspiration for this chapter. :D
Oooh, you're observant! ;) I won't say yes or no since you still have a chapter left, but you'll soon find out and I don't think you'll be disappointed. ;)
Thank you so much! That means a lot to me! I love this story so much, and I really do want to see myself go far with it. Perhaps *gasp* even finish it! Haha it's so much fun and easy to get lost into. I'm glad, like super glad, that you liked this first chapter and I do hope that you're willing to continue on the journey and see what goes on! :D
Thanks so much!