Hi, there! So this was such a long, beautiful chapter that I have to imagine this review is going to fall well short of doing it justice. You included so many little things in it, both powerful moments for your characters and also clever little tie-ins with canon, that it would be nearly impossible to touch on them all. I'll just have to do my best in the time I have. :)
One thing I've been meaning to mention for a while is how much I like the poems you've included at the start of each chapter. You have quite a talent for them and they really add another unique thing to this story which is already so original.
I loved the contrast between Marigold's childhood dreams of glamor and riches and the unfulfilling reality of her new life at Hogwarts. It was a really great way to preface the events that followed. I liked the way that this strange, new adversity brought Trip and Marigold together. That must have been a bitter pill for Stephane to swallow.
You continued to build Marigold into such a strong female lead in this chapter. I really like her a lot and I can see where her descendants get some of their trademark stubbornness and inner strength. I also liked the bond that you created between Marigold and Rowena. They seem like a pair that either would have got on fabulously or torn each other's hair out. I don't see much in-between there.
Traveling back to Hamlin seemed like a very important piece of closure for Marigold. I don't think she ever could have accepted what she was being told without seeing it for herself. Not after Stephane's betrayal of her trust when he led the children from the village. The death of little Greta was a horrible yet appropriate end to the tragic story of Hamlin.
I did notice a few typos in this chapter, mostly issues of verb tense:
It was gently and carefully explains to the children that a great massacre had unfolded in their home -- explained
Hufflepuff was the one who explains to the children of the loss of their parents, who tried, with a worried crease between her eyes, to explain what had happens without frightening them into nightmares. -- explained and happened
She wishes they could fight for themselves, could see the perversion in their entrapment here, could understand the deception of how they had been bewitches. -- had been bewitched
The snake coiled around Lutheran’s neck hisses at Marigold as they pass -- Salazar's neck?
she thought perhaps the two chevaliers had been inspecting it before they were so rudely interrupts. -- interrupted
Stephane stands still for a moment, clearly startles. -- startled
I have escorted him to be trains as a young wizard. -- to be trained
Her hand drifts towards the dagger: she does not even think to point her wand he who betrayed her. -- point her wand at he who
“She is deaf, you see- she must have not followed we others when you pipes. Greta,” -- when you piped
Aside from those things, the only other thought I had was that the inclusion of Peeves felt a bit... maybe 'overdone' is the right word. You have so many wonderful things going on in this chapter, I'm just not sure that you needed that bit.
Overall, terrific job!
Author's Response: Hi there! :)
I'm so happy you liked this chapter as well! :) It was a bit of a monster chapter, as it were.
I'm very happy to hear you liked the poems! Oddly, they were what I wrote first for each chapter, to set the mood of the story and what might happen in it. I guess they were a way to loosen up and get ready to write, so I'm so thrilled to hear your comments on them!
Yes, Stephane did sort of dig his own grave here. He should have known that this would drive him and Marigold apart, even though he was blinded by his need to protect her and his father's orders. Trip and Marigold, being some of the oldest children and the most aware, are right to be sceptical, though of course they do accept it a little grudgingly near the end of the chapter.
I'm so pleased you like Marigold - she was one of the first main characters whom I wrote in third person so hearing that she was a good character is really lovely. You're right about Marigold and Rowena, and they would certainly have some rough patches. I think they recognize in one another somebody who wants to break apart from the conventional female stereotypes, and they're both very independent.
You're right: Marigold would have kept stewing in bitterness had she not witnessed it for herself. Seeing Hamlin was horrifying, but crucial for closure and for her progress growing up and forming a new identity at Hogwarts. I'm pleased you mentioned Greta - her death and its significance was one of my favourite, though saddest, parts of writing this chapter.
Argh, typos! :P Thanks so much for pointing those out - I've gone through and fixed them, and have only my ipad and lazy editing skills to blame. The Lutheran thing came as a bit of a shock - I'm guessing Salazar somehow auto-corrected and I didn't notice! Ha!
That's a really good point about Peeves! I'm going to go back and reconsider that when I make a few changes to the storyline. I'm not sure whether he fits very well there, or whether it was just fulfilment of my love for Peeves leading him to forcing his way into the story!
Thanks again for the fantastic and helpful review, I really appreciate it! :) I'm very honoured that you're liking the story!