|Review:||Violet Gryfindor says:|
Oooh a mystery story! There are never enough of these on the site, and I particularly like how you've set this one up. Lily as a wizarding pathologist is fantastic! It's one area of Healing that never gets referred to, and certainly never gets a story about it. I'm interested to know more about your version of Lily, her relationship with her family and how one becomes a wizarding pathologist (or even just the kinds of things a wizarding pathologist does - I liked the anti-germ charm!). She's brimming with curiosity and a love of puzzles, but at the same time she still sees each of the bodies as people, and she hesitates at revealing their painful secrets. That'll be a great tension to explore in this story, especially because she's so closely linked to it. (Will she be forced off the case because of it? Do the wizards have rules about those things?)
This is an intriguing start to your story! That's quite a way to end the first chapter - a certain way to keep readers hooked. And I love how you built up the suspense, leaving readers just waiting for something to happen. This is especially evident as Lily slowly pulls back the sheet, noting the things she sees in a clinical manner appropriate to her position. It's excellent how you use rhythm and sentence length in those last two paragraphs, the first of which is carefully drawn out with commas, while the second paragraph literally hits the reader.
Going back to the beginning section of the chapter, it's an effective way of beginning a mystery story. Showing the murderer's perspective in that first scene is something I've always enjoyed in crime shows - it sets the mood and brings the reader, not only into the story, but into the case. We were there, but even we couldn't see who did it, and that heightens one's curiosity, even as it increases one's fear of the killer because we've seen first-hand what they're capable of and looked into their mind.
This will be a fantastic story to follow, and I look forward to seeing how you develop the plot and characters from here. :D You've done an excellent job so far!
Author's Response: Wow, hi Susan, it's so fantastic and unexpected to see you here!
I know what you mean about mystery stories, I rather enjoy writing them myself though I do try and limit myself when writing them otherwise I begin to view everything in real life as a mystery :P Haha, I have to admit the pathologist is sort of a wish fulfilment on my part because I used to want to be one, so I'm really excited to explore this job and with magic a lot more, so I hope you like it too! I'm glad you picked up on her reluctance with the secrets because it will grow more and more important as the story progresses. As for the other two questions, I would love to answer them but that would give away the next chapter, so you'll just have to wait!
Wow, that means a lot to me because you're so good at cliff-hangers yourself! Yes, it's taken me a while to realise how much the sentence structure and punctuation used within it effect the suspense, but now I've grasped that it's almost more fun thinking about how comma placement can drag it out rather than the actual sentence (haha, I sound so sad now :P).
I'm so glad that you enjoyed the murderer's perspective because at first they weren't actually going to feature, but then when editing it it only seemed fitting to include it because just seeing Rose's body there instead made it feel a little disconnected and then there would be even less of the murderer.
Thank you for such a fantastic review, it really made my day getting it! I hope you enjoy the rest of it. :D