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Review:MargaretLane says:
This is something you are probably planning to do anyway, but I'd like to see a bit more of Albus and Severus's personalities. At the moment I'm having a bit of difficulty really telling them apart.

And a couple of lines later you mention Severus being argumentative. *laughs*

I might have missed something here, but I think it might have been clearer if you had Daegan say something like, "Double Potions with Professor Zabini this morning", as the comment about there being a Blaise Zabini in Harry's year seems to come a bit out of nowhere.

Love the description of the mouse. It's so wonderfully chilling and really gives a sense of atmosphere.

Hmm, now I'm even more suspicious that Keane is Alpha and Zabini is working for him. But maybe that is just what we are MEANT to think. I really must reread the description of Alpha and see how they match.

I really like the way you have Zabini speaking. Even though we don't see much of him in canon, I can totally imagine him speaking like that. And I like the way you are building on minor characters. I'm looking forward to seeing how you interpret them.

Yikes, expecting them to have a potion brewed perfectly by their second day at Hogwarts is expecting a lot. Sounds like Zabini is a pretty demanding teacher.

And you've pretty much made it clear my theory was wrong, as Keane says there is a new lord, so if he is him, Zabini doesn't know and I'd imagine he would.

I think it should be "how many other Dracos do we know?" as it's a plural, not a possessive.

Hmm, there's a mystery to Daegan too. My immediate thought is that he's a werewolf, but I've no real reason to think that. There is a full moon the first week of September in 2017 though, so it would make sense he'd be ill near the start of term if he were.

Hmm, with the sound that's almost like a bark, I'm beginning to wonder if my "out of nowhere" guess just might be correct.

Author's Response: Haha! Maybe this is mean, but I like your confusion about the plot. It's a mystery story after all. :)
They have stuff like the mouse in the biology dept. at my school, and I remember Snape had weird floating stuff in jars.
I typed this up on Word, so when I put in 'Dracos' it automatically put in the inverted comma. I'll get that.
I'll say this: you're not the only one who has suspicions about Daegan.
Ooh I feel so mean, not telling, but it'd ruin half the plot! Keep guessing.


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