Hello! I come to you for a review swap on a day when you're not feeling so well. I really hope you feel better quite soon!
But in the name of procrastination and sick days, let's begin. :)
Okay, to start off this review, I must say that I find this first chapter incredibly fascinating. It is well-written, the characters are fleshed out and compelling, and it reveals just enough to give me a hazy picture of what's going on. I like it so far, and I'm wondering why I've never discovered this fic before!
The names in this chapter are brilliant. I always have trouble coming up with names for my characters, so I really admire people who give their characters names that are interesting or significant in some way. Is Professor Spore the Herbology teacher (just guessing, based on his surname)? Is he, by chance, related to Phyllida Spore, author of One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi? Where on earth did you come up with the name "Lefteris Paraskevas?" That's a cool one! Also, Aldonra Cabello. Will these interestingly-named people come into the story later? I hope they do! I'd like to see what kind of people they are. I feel like Lefteris will be that sort of person who likes to cause trouble, but whether this person is a boy or a girl, I cannot tell. Aldonra is definitely a girl, probably a flirtatious one, if her compliment to Hugo is any indication. :)
The idea of a floating, cinematic-ish filing system is very cool! I like the concept because it's like security cameras for wizards. You can go back into someone's "criminal record" and see every single thing that they've done wrong! In the scene with Lily and Professor Spore, the juxtaposition of the professors' voices and the scenes add a lot to defining Lily's character. She's definitely deviant, no doubt about that, but when she is finally innocent, why does she get blamed for it?
Lily and Rose seem like they would be enemies. The passing mention of Rose "righting wrongs and punishing the offenders" makes her sound a bit like the Sheriff of Nottingham, while Lily and Hugo are some variation of Robin Hood and Little John. (Not that they steal from the rich to help the poor, but it's kind of a case of me liking the "bad" guy and disliking the "good" guy.) Will Rose make any more appearances later on?
Kenna McCormack is a really rude jerkface. How did she find out Lily's secret? Why did she push Lily off her broom? Is she after the person that Lily has a crush on? (I won't say who in this review--no spoilers!) Or does she know about that other secret--the one that was revealed at the end?
Also, what do a hapless crush and a box with an enigmatic life form have in common? Obviously they both involve Lily in some way, but what's going to happen next?! I love that this chapter sets up the premise for the story and that it seems like the next chapter will be a look into the past--an account of the events that led up to Lily's chat with Spore and the subsequent receiving of detention. I have a hunch about the true nature of the object in the box--Animagus maybe? But I could be wrong.
I hope that you update this story very soon! I will definitely be back to read more! :D
What happened, Miss Potter,” Professor Spore asked
Author's Response: Hi UnluckyStar57!
Thank you for doing this review swap with me - and for your well wishes :) You're too sweet. I am beyond happy that you enjoyed my story! As it's my first attempt at Next Gen, I was super nervous.
Yes - you got the connection with Spore! I wanted to created a professor who had a family connection to Hogwarts :) While some of the names just came to me as I was playing around with names that I like, I can't take the credit for all of them. I used a name generator (Behind the Name) for Lefteris and Aldrona :) Lefteris will definitely make an appearance in a later chapter - and I'd love to include an Aldrona - Hugo moment - so we'll see how that goes!
I'm glad you liked the visuals that go along with the student files. In my mind, the students aren't always "being watched" - "official" school events like choir performances, Quidditch games as well as detentions etc. would be fair game, but there are tons of moments that wouldn't be captured as well. The incident with Kenna pulling Lily off her broom would be one of those times, as it was just a practice. And with most confrontations, in the moment, it can sometimes be difficult to tell just who did what. With Lily's recent deviant behaviour, it's not a surprise that most would just jump to the conclusion that she was entirely at fault.
You're absolutely right about the set-up of the story! I'm having fun thinking about the different flashbacks for the events discussed in this chapter. I'm working on the second chapter now, so hopefully it won't be too much of a wait before I can post it :)
I'm so glad that you found my premise interesting and thank you so much for your lovely review!!