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Review:ohmymerlin says:
Hey, Sophie!

This was another great chapter! I'm really curious as to how their relationship is going to develop! I liked the little friendly banter - especially with the list. It made me laugh so much!

"Buy bread, check. Kill Albus Potter, check. Put the cat out, check." hehehehehehehehe!

The characterisations were very good! Terry is a disgusting creep and I hope he stays out of the story for good now. What's he doing perving on girls nearly ten years younger than him?!

Although, him reaching out for the salt reminded me of Harry in Order of the Phoenix when he reaches out for Cho's hand and then lunging to the sugar when she didn't notice him, ahaha! Was that intentional? :p

Anyway, I do have a little bit of criticism on your grammar, sorry!

You forgot the closing quotation mark here: "You have five minutes Lyss to get ready and apparate.

This should end in a question mark: And anyway how on earth did this dress get mum's approval."

This sentence

...for Quidditch matches as well as the muggle sport: Football whilst stuffing his face with chips.

should be structured like this:

...for Quidditch matches as well as the Muggle sport, football, whilst stuffing his face with chips.

You misspelt nicknamed as 'nicknaned' when Terry is forcing himself upon Alyssa.

This also should have a question mark at the end: Memories, isn't it.

Although I saw on the forums you've gotten a beta and it will just smooth out all the errors. What I find that helps me is to read out loud what I've written. And that way it makes me really concentrate and then I pick up on the errors more easily! Although, I recommend doing this with music on or at a quiet whisper because your family might hear and might start thinking you have an imaginary friend, ahahaha! :p

I still feel like Alyssa is being too cold to Albus, though! Warm up, m'dear! :p

Anywho, this was a really good chapter! The plot is interesting and I'm keen to read more! Feel free to request again! :D

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hi Kayla!

Thank you! Slowly but surely they get with a little help of some liquid courage, lol.

Love a bit of banter and I don't really think humor's a strong point for me so it's both interesting and fun to write.

Terry is a creep and Alyssa has her mother to blame for him. He may be in it once more for luck but for now he's gone.
I forgot about that :) but nope it wasn't intentional, just written at random because of him wanting to be like the couple at the next table.

It's fine, I suck pretty bad at grammar, it's a wonder I passed English to be honest :p I'll be sorting them out right away.

Yep, got my beta sorted and chapter one is done! Just need to edit it on here. Thank for the tip, I might have to try that. Although I do mutter/talk to myself sometimes when writing for no reason so it wouldn't be no different I guess. Haha, certainly doing that was music, can always say I was singing along then :p

Alyssa is a bit cold but she soon warms up to him in more ways than one :p

Thank you so,so much Kayla. Your reviews are so helpful!!
-Sophie :D



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