Hello patronus_charm! I saw this up for nomination on TGS and I came to read it, and I'm glad I did!
I have to admit that I'm always hesitant when I read anything in second person. I tend to hate it, finding it distracting...maybe because I hate being told what to do? Haha. Regardless, I feel that you articulated the story really well in second person and I grew not notice my discomfort with second person throughout your piece, which is a sign of quality writing, because you really sucked me into this story! (And this ship Oh M G...I'm also writing in the rare pair challenge, so yikes do I have stiff competition! haha)
First, I love that the story played with time a bit because you got a feel for the entire relationship from start to beginning with the added hint of what's to come, but without being obvious. The sweet moments were punctuated with a fight, which really brought up the stakes of their relationship! Also, the fact that age is an essential trope of Rose/Draco's relationship, messing with the timeline just seems so appropriate and you did a nice job making everything fluid and coherent.
Then the imagery!! It is beautiful. I loved the way you make art central to Rose and Draco's story, especially Rose's character. It is interesting to see her perception through colors and lines this way. She sees the essence and beauty in everything this way, which makes her interest in Draco and his age seem realistic and not forced. And I love that she made him something! It really shows the reader how much she cares and how much effort she's putting into their relationship. I wonder what Draco's done with it now that they are over...
The only thing I want to know more about is Draco. He was such a wonderfully crafted mystery! I just wanted more and more...and I don't even like the guy haha. You presented Rose's emotions so clear and (given the POV limitations) his intentions were not as clear to me. It got me thinking about if he loved her, if was rebounding so to speak, or getting in touch with his youth in a roundabout way. Leaving his motives out definitely made me sympathize for Rose so much more! I think she really was enamored by Draco and it's sad that's she lost him/that their time together is over.
A few minor mistakes I noticed:
'than the many which bedecked the walls of Hogwarts.' - witch
'your cloak being thrown upon it as you ran ahed of him' - ahead
I feel that I have loads more to write about this one-shot, but my mind is blanking on compliments haha. I think you did a great job here and I now care about a ship I've never considered before. Thanks for sharing this story with us!
Author's Response: Hi Ellie, I'm so glad you came here too, because this review is so fantastic!
I know what you mean because I used to dislike it until I began writing in it and I've actually grown to really like it since then. I'm so glad that you thought it worked here though and that you liked it, as that's so great to hear :P Haha, I'm sure your entry will be great and I'll check it out once it's up :)
You're actually the first person to really comment on the punctuated timeline and the way we kept on going back to the fight so I thought no one really liked it, but hearing that you did is great and has calmed my fears over that :P It definitely was a lot of fun because it made me write a lot more introspectively because I already knew the outcome of it all.
Aw, thank you! I thought it would be fun to tie it all in and see how I coped with doing it all because I'm not a big art fan personally but trying out here was great fun! I'm glad that you picked up on how it made her view Draco differently because she just viewed him as an interesting person rather than an old man who was a former enemy which made it manageable. I think he would have kept it, and always loved Rose because they did have something different just too different it could never have really lasted.
Haha, I deliberately didn't reveal too much about Draco because he was always a bit of a mystery to me with the way you never fully knew his motives and how he always slunk around so that's why it was left like that. I think that's another reason why it drew Rose in because of all the mystery which surrounded his persona as it made him more of a story which is what an artist wants.
Thanks for pointing out those, I'm not too surprised there were some given the length of this one-shot :P Thanks for such a fantastic review too, it was a wonderful surprise, and it's made me think a lot more about Draco and Rose too!