Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:marauderfan says:
Hello! Here with your requested review and sorry for taking 463 years to do so. I have already reviewed the first 3 chapters so I'm doing this one.

Ok, I love the scene when Aaliyah discovers Albus' list. Her reaction is clever and funny. And she and Scorpius seem to be getting on well, they make great friends. I loved when they were both sort of teaming up against Albus and laughing at him haha.

Gabby seems nice, being protective of her sister behind her back. There were a lot of people coming to check that Albus actually likes Aaliyah. I guess people are catching onto the fact that their relationship is fake. But he actually likes her, so I guess he won't have too much trouble acting. Personally I dont know why they bother, since they're just getting nasty gossip written about them. That publication is really quite mean!

Reagrding possible plot inconsistencies- there is one point when Scorpius comments that a professor is just like McGonagall, but how would he know what she is like? Was she still teaching there when they were first years or something? Otherwise I don't think he would know how she is as a professor.

There are some word choice issues I found, such as in the first section "themself" - which is not actually a word. Neither is "infront", which I noticed a couple of times in the chapter; it should be "in front".

Also, "I remember her scowling at her" - you might want to substitute a name for one of the "her"s just to clarify who is who.

I hope I haven't sounded too harsh! Other than that CC, I think it's a good chapter! Your characterisation of Albus is good, I'm starting to get a clearer idea of his personality as he reacts to people's questions about Aaliyah, he is clearly quite guarded, but people are starting to make him open up in this chapter. Great work on this!

Author's Response: Hello! It's no big deal about the time.

That scene was fun to write haha. And yeah her and Scorpius are going to turn out to be friends. Lol, yes Albus has his own best friend and girlfriend gag up on him.

They're watching out just 'cause Al's not really the sweet, adoring type of guy so they want to watch out for Aaliyah. Haha, he doesn't have any actual deep feelings for her but he does have this protective instinct over her. Maybe it will turn out to be something more. ;)

Hmmm... during their first year, McGonagall was headmaster but did teach a class or two of Transfiguration since she loved teaching, but in the end it became a lot on her plate so now she sticks to being only headmaster.

Thanks for the CC and I'll have to go back and correct those parts.

I'm super happy that you think Albus is coming out more, it means a lot.

Thanks so much for this! :D I really appreciate it.


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 796
Submit Report: