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Review:Aphoride says:
Hey there - stopping by for our review swap! I thought I'd review this since I saw it had only gone up recently and it sounded so interesting! :)

I love the idea behind this. That it all surrounds Blaise and Charlotte, and eventually their child and the song kinda leads you through their relationship - from not really knowing each other, to liking each other, to falling in love and then after her death. It's such a complex journey to take, but you deal with it so well!

Technical things, though, which I have to mention: you really want to check the archive guidelines for song fics. You need to reference the artist/owners of the song and say it's not yours and I think there's a restriction on how many lines of text which isn't yours you can use - I think maybe three? - but it's been a while since I've written one! If you're unsure, check with a validator ;) Don't want you to get in trouble!

That being said, I love how you've followed their relationship from the beginning to the end with snapshots of their lives together, you know? It really brings them to life and highlights the important things they faced and how they dealt with them, while their relationship developed along the way. It really gives both of them a depth they wouldn't have had otherwise.

I loved the sections you picked to show us, as well. Like, some of them weren't necessarily the most important event in their lives, but they showed us something about them, you know, and their personalities and trials and things. You showed us the things which developed them, which was so lovely and really clever! :)

I'm pretty surprised this is your first song fic, tbh! The song really works with the story - they really merge together and compliment each other - and it flows so well.

Your writing is lovely. You could maybe add some more description, but I love how you focus on the feelings and actions, rather than describing every little thing, and the way you write your characters is so believeable. They seem so real - and kudos to you for writing Gabriella so well! Writing young children is always so hard, because it's so hard to get their age and vocabulary and things right, but you really, really nailed it! :)

So, I really love the concept of this, your writing is lovely, your characters are really, really good, you've done so well with difficult topics... this is a really good, bittersweet one-shot! I really liked it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: When I saw the validator thing I had to instantly stop and check. This is the rule: "Non-songfics may contain no more than 3-4 lines of lyrics per chapter. Please keep in mind that we do not allow karaoke-style fics on this site. Characters may not sing more than 3-4 lines of lyrics per chapter, regardless of whether or not the story is labeled as a songfic." And I did say the song and title in my summary so I wouldn't forget to credit Phil Philips.

Thank you! Everyone has been saying I wrote the child well which is a relief... I don't like to make people sound younger than they are so I try to be very careful... When I go back through and add some more scenes I'll throw in some more description. I just wanted to take advantage of the 0 hour queue :)I always try and make characters a first priority. It would break my heart to have someone say "Oh your scenery is lovely but your characters are flat..."

I am glad you liked the one-shot overall! :)

XOXOXOX,
LLG


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