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Review:academica says:
Hey Laura, here for Review Tag! I've actually wanted to dig in to this story for quite some time, and I'm happy to see you've made so much progress on it!

Very intriguing start. I can't help but be reminded of 'Dexter' with the 'there was no blood' bit. It was interesting how the family members automatically assumed that they were being sequestered because they were murder suspects, and then no mention of such a thing was even made by Pollux; it's like they had a shared guilty conscience. I'm sure there's more to the story than the short conclusion Pollux provided. I also really like how you lent a variety of personalities to the Black family members, all of them being fleshed out a bit more than in canon.

The scene between Pollux and his son was interesting as well. I wonder what the motive could be for moving around such a small amount of money, and who could be behind the changes. There's clearly a lot of suspicion and tension in the air, especially after the recent loss of Andromeda and (I suspect) the soon-to-be-scheduled departure of Sirius.

There were a few places where I think you made some punctuation mistakes, but nothing too big. I would recommend maybe reconsidering that first part about the girl in the portrait, though -- you used a lot of commas and it makes the sentence that describes her a bit long and ungainly. Just a suggestion.

Really nice work with this first chapter. I don't have any ideas about what could have happened, but I'm definitely intrigued to find out more!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey Amanda! I'm so glad to see you stop by - and yeah, it's picked up recently! I finished all the plotting, so all that's left is to write it all out! :)

I'm so happy you like the start - though I've never seen 'Dexter', haha, despite it being recommended to me many times, mostly because there's so much of it to watch! Yeah, they're definitely not innocent in totality; and there's definitely more to the story than Pollux said - or, is there? :P I'm glad you liked the cast - I really tried to make them all different! :)

The will is definitely important, though I can't see how or why, of course ;) It's a big part of the story, and the reasons behind it are definitely relevant. And yeah, Andromeda's recently gone... in the timeframe for this, Sirius is pretty much about to leave, sooner or later. Though whether or not this situation has anything to do with it... *whistles* :D

Thanks so much for mentioning that! I know I'm terrible with punctuation and commas so I'll definitely take a look at that again and double-check things! :)

Thanks so much for the really great review - it was so nice to receive! :)

Laura xx


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