Hey there - stopping by from the review tag on the forums! :)
So I really loved this! As soon as I saw this on your page, I knew I just had to read it - I adore murder mysteries/mysteries in general, so this is exactly my kind of fic. I was really surprised by the reveal and, well, let's just say what was up with Professor Ryan, but that just makes it even better!
(On another note, I am completely surprised that I'm the first person to review this. Like seriously. I'm assuming everyone else got lost on the way or something because this seriously deserves more reviews...)
I love James' character in this. How he's clever but puts no effort into his schoolwork, but lots when he thinks there's a chance something's in. His tailing Professor Ryan suggests he's both observant and talented and good at tracking and stealth and things... I loved his reaction, as well! It was such a typical teenage boy response, you know? It really fitted him so well, and was so realistic.
In fact, all your characters were great! They were all so realistic and different from each other, with their own characteristics and pretty well developed for a one-shot!
The plot and mystery was so well done! I loved how you didn't end it with the reveal and included the last scene - it was so funny! Your writing as well, is gorgeous. It flows so well and your dialogue is really, really good!
Just a couple of small things! Firstly, in a formatting thing - if you're writing online with a line between each paragraph, like I'm doing in this review, then you don't need an indentation at the beginning of each line ;) It's not that big a deal though, just a technical thing. The other thing is that this sentence gets a bit confusing: "...but the observer was too clever for him. He muttered something..." I know what you mean, but since you've written 'the observer' beforehand, then 'he' refers to 'the observer' not Professor Ryan. I was a bit confused, but worked it out from context, but I thought I'd let you know anyway :)
So yeah, apart from those little things, this was really, really great! I'm so glad I read this - I really enjoyed it! :)
Author's Response: This review has absolutely made my day ♥
It's a brand new piece! So hopefully it will be discovered by other soon enough :)
I had SO much fun writing the first draft. Which this version mostly resembles. James is one of my favorite next-gen characters so it was exciting to feature him.
I'm so glad you liked my characters! I've got an entire version in my head of how the next-gen characters turn out and I'm happy that they translate as well developed.
As for formatting, I don't change any of my formatting when I post, so it's whatever was in my processor. I don't think I'll ever take the time to change it :P
And the other bit, about that sentence, I'll probably edit this at some point, I usually read through it a few months after I post and realize I've missed a few things so I'll make note of it and try to fix it.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.