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Review:MC_HK says:
Hello!

Areas of Concern:
-I like the plot of this story. It'll be nice to see these old friends turn into lovers after so long of not talking. It's almost like you have a blank slate for them. I do hope to see some really good development of the relationship.

-Your characters are very well done. You've done a really good job giving each a specific personality and letting it shine through. I especially like Alyssa's personality :) Keep this up and your story will always be really great!

-I can't pick out every grammar mistake, but I can say you've got quite a few of them. I highly recommend a beta that can pick those out for you, and help you with punctuation errors as well.

Some things worth mentioning:
-Although I thought this was well written, I was having a really hard time keeping up with all of the characters, but maybe that's just me. I felt like so many people had been introduced I was getting everyone mixed up and had no idea who was who and forgetting about other people. I know you can't not introduce them, but I feel like maybe there's a way to do it that would give more flow to the story and have people remember who is who. I would suggest as soon as they are mentioned, explain who they are. You do that a couple times, but with Deano and Hayden I had no idea what was going on for a moment.

-Overall I really like this! You've got a great start and I'm eager to see what happens next!

--Monica

Author's Response: Hi and thanks for R+R'ing so quick!

I think now they've grown up as well and they're more mature that the blank slate is even better as their past is behind them in a way. I'm glad you like it and the characters! Apart from Chloe, Alyssa is my favourite to write so far :p

Definitely not my stong point and I've put a request for a beta reder over at the forums, so hopefully I get get around to sorting those out as well as re-reading and editing.

You're not th only one to say that so don't worry. Thanks for pointing it out! There are quiet a few people in this first chapter as Alyssa has four siblings as well as her parents and nephew plus the others so I do understand the confusion. I'll be sure to edit and add little bits in as well as trying to get the flow better. Hopefully a beta will help out with that.

Thank you for a great review!
-Potterfan310


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