Let's just turn a blind eye to my horrible timing, life has been a whirlwhind lately. So, I'm sorry!
This was an interesting chapter indeed! Many, many open ended questions are left in this chapter, and it took a bit of understanding to fully figure out what was going on. Not a bad thing at all! Just picks up on a few of the areas of concern you asked about, but we'll get to those after the squee :)
This mysterious guy has me al up in arms! I love/hate his character already! I think you have done well with introducing him. I can understand that you would feel a bit 'woash' about bringing in yet another character, but I believe in the way that you have incorporated him as more of a 'being' right now more than an actual person we can associate with (in my head, anyway) makes it a lot easier for us to take in, and realize that this is a new character, and it seems he's here to stay.
I looove the little interlude part in the middle with Hermione. Even though there is tension and fear in it, it really helped to separate up the story and put us in perspective. It also helped to break up between Scorpius and Rose, with the time difference. Not sure if that was the reason for it, but it works! :)
Rose's part I found rather captive. I think you have done a great job with incorporating her trip in with this group's trip, and I am sure it will have further plot twists later on that I am looking forward to reading about! I am finding your portrayal of Rose an interesting one, she really is trying her best to show everyone that she can do something worthwhile, and I am interested to see if that pans out further later on.
Now, in regards to your AOC..
In the Scorpius part, I feel like it has been a tad rushed, purely because of the bam! bam! bam! action, which works well, but could use a bit of spacing in between. You mentioned description, and I think there is opportunity to describe Scorpius when he first wakes, and maybe even the place he is in a bit more, between little action parts? Now I don't think this is a necessary change, the action in the scene works well, just my opinion on what may work.
I think also that some description could work in the Rose section as well. We all know that Lorcan is passed out, but what are the others doing? Whats going on around them? etc. I don't feel like this scene needs to be slowed down per se, maybe just to see a bit more setting involved would help draw the reader in :)
I hope this review was helpful, and I am so so sorry yet again for being a horrible reviewer and taking over a month to get to this review. Someone should slap me haha.
Hope your doing well Kiana!
Author's Response: Hey Grace! It's fine, I know what life can get like :D
Haha, I'm glad you liked it and squeeing is always a necessary thing to do first otherwise it just sort of brings the party down before it started :P
I'm so glad that you liked him! I almost wish I had more evil characters to through into the story because getting into their brain is way more fun due to the complexity than with a good person who can be a bit of a bore at times :P He definitely is here to stay which isn't so good for the others but oh well :P
I'm glad that you liked as Hermione does become more of an integral part of the story as it progresses which is great because it means I got to write some Romione fluff which is always so cool.
Haha, you are definitely right with the future plot twists because there can't be a plot which just runs the smooth course because blergh to that is all I can really say. I'm so glad that you like Rose in the story, because if I'm being honest I'm still a little unsure about her which is weird as I wrote her but yeah :P
I know what you mean about the Scorpius and I have tried to add in a few more bits and pieces. Hopefully it should be ok because it was rather hectic before and we sort of needed Scorpius to act as a anchor to the whole story. I totally get what you mean about Rose/Lorcan because as I read it back it is a little strange but it should be fixed now :D
This review was really helpful as it pointed out things others hadn't. Again, don't worry about being late, it's fine!
I am doing well and I hope you are too, Grace!