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Review:UnluckyStar57 says:
Hi! I'm finally here to review you! :D

Okay, so this chapter just made things WAY more interesting! I liked getting things from Albus' point of view--it adds another layer of complexity to things! I especially liked his characterization of Aaliyah. What SHE can't tell us about herself, HE sure can!

Ahh! So the whole proposition that he carried out was really part of a bigger master plan! He wanted to guilt-trip her into saying yes! What a Slytherin! :D

What I'm quite curious about is: What happened with Aaliyah and Fred last year? Why does she feel indebted to James? Will I get to find that out later on? She's quite mysterious, which is good! I like that she's complex and she can't be figured out too easily. :)

And dear Scorpius has some Rose feels... So silly. :) It's good that they're not dating already--watching them come together at the same time that Albus and Aaliyah are fake-dating will be really interesting! I'm so glad that Scorpius finally realized his true feelings, even though it was really late at night. :D

The most interesting part of the chapter BY FAR was the end. Aaliyah has accepted the proposition, and Albus knows exactly how to play Ronan! That was really clever of him, to watch her every move on the Marauders' Map, and to put on a show for her. Hopefully an interesting news article will come out about it. :)

There were just a few things that I noticed that seemed a little off:

"What Scorpius doesn't know is that one of the vindications for choosing her..."~I looked it up, and I don't think that "vindications" is a noun. "Vindicate" is a verb, but I would suggest that you find a different word for that sentence. (Just a suggestion, though! Do what makes you happy!) :)

"The question comes from Blaine Zabini, a chestnut haired friend. And Blaine is still repeating the same freaking question with his hazel eyes."~Here, I'm not really sure why the descriptions of "chestnut haired" and "hazel eyes" come into play. I understand that you're trying to describe Blaine, but I would suggest that you rephrase those sentences. The first one sounds a bit awkward, and the second one sounds like Blaine was asking the question with his eyes. (Unless that's what you meant to do!)

"I. Changed. My. Mind. About. The. Preposition."~"Preposition" should be "Proposition." Just one letter off. I do that a lot. :)

Well, besides those very minuscule things, this was a very brilliant chapter! Great work! :D


Author's Response: Yeah, I've got that a lot (this chapter is more interesting, that is).

Let's just say that something happened between Aaliyah and Fred last year. ;) And she feels indebted to James since he watched out for her when he didn't need to. Aaliyah's kind of an open book but there is more to her than meets the eye, know one realizes that except for Albus though.

Scorpius... yeah. He's going through a phase. He's accepted it and now he's deciding on how he's going to face it. And he's just... a typical teenage boy, you know? He's chill, friendly, and happens to get this major crush on someone he never thought he would.

Albus knows how to play people and knows what makes their buttons push. He's observant and picks up on things rather quickly. It's a skill he picked up on. :)

Your advice was very helpful. I went back and edited those parts. Thanks for catching them and they totally make sense.

Brilliant chapter? I find that hard to believe, haha, but it means so, so, so much that you think so. I always value everyone's opinion(s) so yeah... thanks!!

Thank you again for the wonderful review... really made me smile reading it. :)


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