Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:UnluckyStar57 says:
Hi! Sorry that I'm a bit slow in reviewing this story!

I really don't know why this chapter doesn't have any reviews! It's so good, just like all of your other chapters. More people should review it, just sayin'. :)

Okay, so, on to the story:

Mysterious note, indeed! Who wrote it? Why has the unknown author targeted Regulus? Perhaps he/she was trying to tell Sirius that Regulus is the murderer? Either way, it has to be someone whose handwriting is unknown, which pretty much means that Barty would be the only suspect--I'm presuming that Sirius has seen everyone else's because of letters and things like that. So, if it IS Barty, what's he up to? Being a suspicious little git, most likely.

And Orion Black is being suspicious as well. Why was he interested in looking at the note AFTER Sirius left the room? I think he knows who the handwriting belongs to, or maybe it belongs to him? I don't really know. But I thought that what he said about him being able to walk out of the office because "it isn't Azkaban" was sort of ironic. Sirius walked out of Azkaban one time! ;)

Ah, sibling arguments. I'm no stranger to those, but the one between Regulus and Sirius is more extreme than any I've had with my sister. So they both feel that the other person shuts them out, but instead of having a rational discussion about it, they prefer to be smarmy and rude. Wow. I don't think their relationship can ever be repaired. I did think that the fight was very useful in characterizing the two boys, because now I see how they're acting differently since their uncle and aunt have been killed. Under normal circumstances, they would ignore each other.

And the big finish!! Narcissa takes a fatal fall, and we all know who did it this time. But do we? Was it really Sirius who caused her to fall, or was she going to jump anyway? Who is the mysterious person who was talking to Sirius at the end of the chapter? Is it that guy from the beginning of the previous chapter? Who IS he?!?! Also, is Narcissa dead now, or is she just hurt? Really, as if the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black needs any more deaths!! I hope they solve this mystery soon, because I'm really curious to know who the killer is!

I caught a few awkward things, but they aren't any big deal. I thought I should bring them to your attention:

"picturing his mother's wrinkled nose as the scrunched paper with a flare of amusement."-I wasn't sure if you meant "wrinkled nose AT the scrunched paper" or if Sirius was actually picturing the paper AS his mother's nose. :)

"that he hadn't stopped to think about something so obvious as who's handwriting it is."-"who's"="who is." I think you want "whose" there.

"The idea of sitting in a hot, suffocating room at the top of the house for hours on end when his own room, which is nice and cool and airy, is only a hundred metres down the corridor baffles him."-This sentence was just a bit awkward. You might want to see if you can make it a little more continuous. I got a little bit lost in the middle. (But it could've been my fault.)

"he can see always the way to the little church in the muggle village not-so-nearby from here"-When it says "always the way," did you just mean "all the way?"

"simultaneously sporting the same in command, collected look their father has and a confused frown."-I would suggest hyphenating "in command" because I wasn't sure at first what it was referring to. If it said "in-command," that would turn it into an adjective.

But really, this story just keeps getting better and better! Please update soon! :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hey there - thanks so much for coming back! :) It's always nice to see you drop by - I always wait so impatiently for a slot and then the review... it's like waiting for presents on Christmas Day ;)

Ah, the note. Yeah, the note... hm... the author very definitely means Regulus. No doubt about that ;) It is someone who's handwriting Sirius doesn't recognise, but I wouldn't necessarily assume anything about anyone ;) It's nice to see you're suspicious, though - you should be! It's a very suspicious thing to happen...

Yes, yes, yes! You've got it! Well, kinda. Sorta. Basically. ;) But yes, Orion is kinda suspicious. Everyone is kinda suspicious, though, haha. But you're definitely onto something with er, one of the things you said ;) And I did like slipping in the Azkaban comment - Sirius will do it! Some time in the future, but he will! :D Foreshadowing for the win! ;)

Sibling arguments... you know, it was oddly difficult to write the argument. Maybe I should have had a fight with one of my sisters beforehand or something, I dunno... but yeah, it was hard to write so I'm glad you liked it! Their relationship is really, really bad, though it's hard to blame either of them for it, really. It's just all sort of escalated, I think, and with all the emotions running around, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I think it seems pretty petty, but when you consider the events... it's kinda harsh from Sirius, tbh. I definitely didn't write that scene to be 'ooh, Sirius is so nice'. And yeah, ignoring each other works better - they avoid things like that! ;)

Fatal fall? Counting chickens before they've hatched, are we? :P Nah, as far as things go, this isn't the most complex thing (I don't think...). I think it's safe to say I can't tell you anything, but they're all brilliant questions! I really, really wish I could answer some of them... shame. When it's finished, haha! ;)

Ooh, thanks so much! I'm really truly terrible at editing - I always miss things! - so thank you so so much for pointing those out! I've already edited them in, and changed it to fit! :D So, so helpful! Thanks!

Thank you so much for the review - honestly, I love getting them so much! They're honestly such gems to read and get and they never fail to make me smile! :)

Thanks! :hug:

Aph xx


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 289
Submit Report: