Hey there! I'm so so sorry it took me so long to get to this - it's a bit ridiculous, tbh - but I've been incredibly busy with RL, exams and essays and then holidays minus internet connection, so it's been a while! Anyway I'm here now! :)
First off, I have to say that I love your premise! I love the idea of a family of wizards who are trained killers and take hits for a living. Since it happened in the muggle world, it's incredibly likely it happened in theirs, you know? So yeah, I love the idea that they've been in hiding as well - helps make them more mysterious and build it up ;)
Your writing is so clean and clear, as well. It's so easy to read and you have such a lovely style. It's really, really great! You asked me about brit-picking, but, seriously, I couldn't find anything in here. No non-Brit terms for things, nothing at all - and I did look! ;) Grammar and spelling and everything was brilliant as well!
On top of that, I really like your characters so far. Obviously, we haven't seen all that much of them so far, apart from perhaps Galen, but you've given me enough to make me curious. I love how they're all so different, despite working in a morgue - like Galen seems so relaxed around the dead, and how you mentioned that Rosie (Weasley?) screamed when she saw the 'floater', and how Mac is the man in charge but always smiling... it's really, really great basis for the rest of it and they seem so real already!
A quick note - I loved the lingo you used as well. The way you said 'floater' and things. It really gave me the impression of a group of people who sort of mainly stuck around together and came up with abbreviations and things of their own.
The beginning, as well, was so great. I liked how you didn't show us the actual murder itself, or tell us why or who it was, so that we find all that out later. The analogous use of the cat and mouse was brilliant too - I loved how you segued so neatly from one to the other, and used both to show us a glimpse of the killer, as it were.
Speaking of the killer, I liked how you made the mention of what her grandfather had told her, and then had her refuse to thing about sentimentality and just sort of ignore sentimental ideas. It was a lovely, human touch to give her.
I'm really curious about this story! I love the idea of an assassin family, and them coming above ground again, so to speak, and I'm so curious to know what happens, who they kill, what their motives are (if any), and, well, just about everything!
This was a really, really great start! Feel free to re-request! :)
Author's Response: Thank you for your lovely review! Don't worry about it taking so long - I totally understand that real life can be very demanding!
Despite being such a last minute addition, the beginning seems to be very popular among the readers, which makes me very glad! I'm happy that you liked it as well.
I'm relieved to hear that there were no non-Brit terms. I'm used to writing all my essays and other school papers in American English but since this story (and the whole world of Harry Potter) is situated in Britain, using British English made more sense. I was worried, however, that I had accidentally used American terms.
I'm also glad to hear that you liked the characters even though they were featured so briefly. They are a very interesting group and I'm hoping I get to portray their group mechanism more in the future. I'm also happy to hear that the lingo worked! As someone who uses lingo in her daily life (although a very different kind of lingo:)), I know people can get annoyed with it when they don't understand it.
Ah, the killer. She's lots of fun to write about. Glad to hear she came across as humane, even if it's only a fraction.
Thank you again for reviewing! I might re-request sometime in the near future!