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Review:academica says:
Hello, I'm here for Review Tag! I thought I would check out the first chapter of your story even though it wasn't appropriate for my review thread.

I really like how you described Harry's grief and the way his trauma from the war still affected him in dreams. It seemed kind of ironic to me that Kreacher was trying to help Harry with a potion when he had once watched Regulus die from drinking one; it must have been a difficult exercise for him. Anyway, I'm glad he's trying to help Harry get some rest. The way you described Harry's dream about Teddy and the others was also well done and seems quite realistic to me.

To be honest, I'm not a big fan of you spelling out the sounds, like the crack and the thudding. I think you could use that opportunity to exercise your imagery skills and find creative ways to describe what's happening. For example, you could say something like, "He heard a crack as loud as thunder, and it invaded his ears."

I liked Hermione's section, too, though it seemed a little more rushed to me. There were a few places where the logic didn't quite follow for me. For example, it seems really inappropriate for a postal worker to ask "when the divorce was." Perhaps you meant for her to ask when the change of address had occurred for Mr. Wilkins. And there at the end, wouldn't she risk dying if her injury was really as grave as you stated? I think you could maybe clarify that a bit - perhaps Hermione bandages herself up but doesn't bother to clean up the mess and sees it later.

I do want to mention that I like the twist with Hermione's parents. It's quite an ethical dilemma, wanting everything to go back to normal (perhaps her parents would get back together if their memories were restored) but also not wanting to ruin the new lives they have built.

This is a nice start. Good luck with the story!


Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks for the lovely review. I'll work a bit more on the parts which aren't that great. Your review was really helpful. :)

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