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Review:academica says:
Hey, here for the Review Battle :)

This is a really interesting start. It's not clear yet why Victoire and Teddy are no longer together, and even her feelings toward Dennis aren't quite clear. I sense that you'll answer a lot of these questions in the chapters to come.

I liked the way you highlighted important moments between Teddy and Victoire as their relationship grew over time. Parts of their narrative seemed a tad cliche, like the big deal over checking with her dad and the very touching moment surrounding the birth of her first child, but I suppose that would be part of the perfect love story for a super romantic girl like Victoire. I do think you did a good job of staying in character, especially with Teddy's mischievous nature and Harry's sort of calmer, more mature attitude.

The one thing that I wasn't a huge fan of here was the way you kept switching up the tenses. I think the flow of the story would be improved if you stuck to one point of view (either first or third) and got rid of the line breaks so that we just have Victoire telling us the whole story. Switching it up like you have makes it a bit difficult to follow the narrative in terms of where we are and who is telling the story.

Nice beginning! Good luck with the rest!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review. I agree that it's extremely chiche at times, but that's sort of what I was going for, you know? Victoire's life with Teddy was really cliche.

It will become very clear exactly what's going on.

Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of the way it's written, either. What I struggled with was that two of the memories were from Teddy's POV, and it wouldn't make sense to me to have Victoire saying "Teddy thought that blah blah". That's a totally legitimate critique and I'm glad I wasn't the only person who thought that.

Thanks again:)


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