Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Aphoride says:
Hey there - popping by to return our review swap! Sorry for the slight delay - got caught up with a couple of other things - but I'm here now! :)

Okay, I have to admit first off that I'm not a particularly big Harry/Hermione fan, tbh, so I was a little apprehensive about this (though I know I shouldn't be), but this was really, really good! I like how instead of jumping in with the romance and making it obvious Harry and Hermione will end up with each other, you've started with the effects of the war and almost the breaking of the golden trio. It's so harsh and almost upsetting and real, because, you know, that's what happens when people grow up and things happen - sometimes they lose contact for a bit. Particularly with the way they've drifted apart, with Ron dealing with his family after the loss of Fred, Hermione going to find her parents, Harry dealing with, well, everything. Simple explanations, but they're so good and you handle it all so well!

The only thing I would say is that you have a tendency to sometimes tell things, rather than show them. Instead of telling us Hermione mourned for Crookshanks when he died, show us - maybe not full on mourning, but maybe expecting him to jump up on her lap or something, you know? It's not a great example, but I hope you get what I mean! :)

I love your characterisations, though! You've managed to capture all three of the trio so well, without Ron even actually appearing as such in it, and that's not easy to do! It's perfectly in character for Harry to be so disinclined to stay at the Burrow and to feel so guilty over everyone dying, even for Ron not to have written much.

I'm really curious as to how this is going to go - it's such a good start, and such a believable plot and way for things to happen after the war. Your writing, as well, is really lovely and I couldn't spot any obvious mistakes in grammar or punctuation, which always helps ;)

Really lovely start! :) Keep it up! :D

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for the wonderful review!

About the Harry/Hermione pairing..well I hope that you'll change your mind if you keep reading this story. I'm planning on making it novel length, or at least novella, and their relationship will take a while to happen.

I totally get what you mean about the telling rather than showing. I just didn't want to linger too much on that just then. Her memory of Crookshanks will be coming up in a later chapter though!

I'm really glad you liked the start and I hope you'll keep reading. :)



Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 681
Submit Report: