Hey! I loved the first chapter, so there's no way I'm not reading and reviewing the next two. I'm gonna do a rolling review because I enjoy them. Sorry if you think they're annoying or anything.
moth-eaten books and decaying desks
What a fantastic description!
The description of the room is phenomenal. But what's the real problem...?
Red hair. Must be a Weasley.
The girl's creepy chuckle developed into a full witch's cackle.
That's so awesome! I can hear it perfectly!
Lucy Weasley, cold-blooded Slytherin, rose from her rotting throne and stepped towards her timid client.
I can't get over how well this is written. Also, I was totally right! Yay!
She seems creepy. What services is this? What? This is weird but I really like it.
Hah. Death my ginger.
I love how you write the dialogue. It really shows the differences between the characters.
the most inhumane type of conditioning known to man.
I like that she recognizes that her tactics are unusual at best:)
His mother had always told him never to look a gift Blibbering Humdinger in the mouth,
I LOVE THE REFERENCE TO LUNA.
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline!
I'm gonna think about boggarts every time I see one of those ads:)
Even the most magical of wizards can't fit an entire swimming pool into a boggart's trunk!
He clearly hasn't heard about Hermione's bag.
RITA SKEETER WRITES A SOAP ABOUT HARRY OH MY GOSH THAT'S SO PERFECT.
Awww, Lorcan is all angry. Poor little Lysander.
Oooh! Surprise, Lorcan! One hour! Have fun!
Okay. Sorry. This was a really random and useless review. I really like this story though, and I hope I conveyed that.
There were a few spots that I noticed really nitpicky grammar things.
1- When you use an ellipsis, if it's at the end of a sentence you need a fourth period to end the sentence. Same with dialogue, you still need a comma.
"Oh, I see...," she said.
2-This is a weird formatting thing. Where you end dialogue with dashes (which is an effect that I really like), the quotation mark turns itself around. I think a way to fix it would be to type the entire quote and then go back and add the dash.
So first you'd type:
"Oh I see"
and then add the dash
"Oh I see-"
That's all I've got. This is fantastic. I love this. You're amazing. I'll almost certainly read and review the third chapter:)
Author's Response: A rolling review? This is most curious! I've never had one of those before! It's definitely not annoying--it's a review, after all, and I like those. :)
Yes, Lucy and her demonic red hair. She's a creepy one--if Cassiopeia weren't a Gryffindor, I'm sure that those two would be toadies. However, it would probably be a master-servant relationship--as in, Lucy=Dr. Frankenstein and Cassiopeia=Igor. Heh. :)
All the lines you quoted... I was trying to be so dramatic, haha! I'm so glad that they were effective! :)
Yes, death by ginger is the worst. They can't even feel remorse because they don't have souls.
Luna is the Queen of Nargles. And she gave birth to those two dorky twins. I had to give her a nod in here somewhere. :)
Bahahaha, boggarts and Maybelline--perfect partnership. They should do an ad with a guy who's afraid of makeup-wearing women. (I'm not an advertising person, thank Merlin...)
Hey, wizards need something to entertain themselves, and Harry Potter's life is some pretty good story fodder (as HPFF will attest!). Once the wizards got into Muggle television, it was only a matter of time before Rita Skeeter got into show biz. ;)
Nah, this review wasn't useless. It made my day when I read it and now it's making my day better as I'm rereading it to respond. :D
Ugh!! I'm such a Grammar Policewoman, but sometimes I feel hypocritical because things like that happen!! I never knew that thing about the ellipses--thanks for schooling me! And argggh, yes, the quotation marks! Microsoft Word r dumb. I will totally fix those things (one of these days...)!
Thanks again for your supermegafoxyawesomehot review!! You're amazing, too!
P.S. In the soap opera, Darren Criss plays Harry. ;}