Hey there! Popping in right before going to work!
Wow! So much pleasant detail! I like that Roxanne is the character because I've always wondered how she would be raised by George Weasley. It seems like she strives to be a little less crazy and more studios (though it takes some effort, yes?).
Thackery is very unlikably likable. He's a know-it-all, but it reminds me of a Sherlock know-it-al sort of way. He's very real about his thoughts, and like Roxanne thought at one point, he doesn't mean to offend any one person directly. He just means what he says.
By the way, my favorite part of this whole story is the fact that you came up with Wacky Thacky! Seriously! I feel for the poor kid! Especially after he heard it and the way he reacted to it. It sort of broke my heart a little bit.
Unicorn dung? Really? Haha, that was adorably gross. He's a little like Hermione in the whole "save the small world" type thing. I like that Roxanne draws exactly what he's getting at, too. I wish I could see it visually, too. Though you did an awesome job describing the picture.
It's sweet how he's somewhat jealous of her hanging out with Artie. I didn't really get the sense that he was jealous OF him, just jealous that she was spending time with someone other than him. It's sort of cute, but sad in a lonely kind of way.
This is a bit of a side spot, but I really liked how you described Lucy and her boyfriend in the common room. All of the side events that a person would notice on the side of what is actually going on were really drawn out well. This chapter was very easy to visualise.
The only thing I noticed was in the third paragraph after she reads his flyer, he says, "Do you thing?" instead of "think?". That's all I saw. Other than that, I just sort of wonder with how smart he is, why he didn't think to copy the flyers instead of hand writing them himself? I mean, "Does he think?" haha :).
A very enjoyable first chapter and I'm really excited to see more of it! You did a great job!
Author's Response: Hello! :)
I was always intrigued by Roxanne too and loved writing her here, though I'm not sure if I would write her quite like this a second time. She is not as crazy, but she has her dad's creativity, and you're right, studying is a little more difficult for her.
Haha, unlikable likeable is just perfect! Thackeray is quite the know it all and a lot of fun to write because of it, but there's definitely a softer and more vulnerable side. :)
Ahh, Wacky Thacky is pretty awful! :P In my head canon Peeves was the first one to make that particular rhyme, and the students were cruel enough to adopt it.
Yes, there is some Hermione in Thackeray's behaviour! I think the difference between them might be that while both want to make a change, in some cases Thackeray also wants to make a fuss and be all worked up about something. And yes, Thackeray is perhaps a little jealous. Potentially more than a little jealous. But then again, Roxanne wasn't too specific about how she feels either. :P
I'm glad you found it easy to visualize, I quite liked writing that image as well! Lucy was a great character to tie in here, I liked exploring the differences in the relationships that Lucy and Rox have with their significant others.
Thanks, I'll fix that when I edit! :) That's a good point, hehe. I think Thackeray is very mechanical in thinking in some ways, sees things in a rather straightforward way, whereas Rox is more creative and sees outside the box, if that makes sense? It was a litting "unthinking" of Thackeray. :P
Thanks so much for the lovely review! :D