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Review:Lululuna says:
Hi! :) I'm here for our review swap!

I really like this! It was a cool approach to the modern romance challenge, and I especially liked how Teddy and Victoire had a child when they were out of Hogwarts and don't feel the need or have the time to get married. I feel that's very relatable for modern couples since the stigma against having a child out of wedlock has gone down- well, hopefully. It was also interesting that they have a long distance relationship - do they perhaps go to Hogwarts on the weekends, or are they planning to live in Hogsmeade or something? It seems a little sad that despite having all these really easy means of long distance travel they'd only get to see Teddy on holidays! :(

Victoire seems like a fantastic character, she's funny and relatable, and clearly balances being a good loving mum with being carefree and still a little immature at times. I really liked the detail about her picking up extra shifts at work to prove herself to her boss. It was a great feminist moment and shows how she might have been discriminated against - as so many women professionals are - for having a child and being a little distracted. Vic here is very engaging and I like her a lot already.

I was wondering, does Louis get payed by Victoire for babysitting? I'm really hoping so, or else he must get a lot of money from their parents to survive! :P I liked his outburst, it made me laugh and seemed very realistic as Victoire definitely does take him a little for granted. The idea of him having to answer to his girlfriend about not having a real job and not being around was very funny as well.

A couple little nitpicky things: Louis is the first person to mention his "sex life", but then he freaks out at Victoire for saying it once. You might consider changing his line so that he just alludes to his sex life and then having Victoire mention it a little more for that line's impact to sink in a little. Just a thought! :)

I also noticed that in the second paragraph there's a switch into present progressive tense (or maybe it's just present tense, I'm not sure). But it did disrupt the flow a little and would make more sense in past tense. This happened again in the paragraph where Van and Victoire's "semi-romantic relationship" was described. :)

Also, I think you said Emmaline was five years old, but then she's also described as a toddler. Toddlers are (according to wikipedia) between the ages of one to three, so that was a little confusing but easily fixed.

Good job, I really enjoyed this and am very curious about what's in the letter! :D It was a great beginning to your story!

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for getting over so quickly! :) I'm heading over to read yours here in a bit. It's been a busy errand-filled day!

First off, I'm so glad you like it! :) I'm really proud of it seeing as I haven't written a lot of lighthearted stories in a while. As to how often they see each other is maybe every other weekend or so. He can't come home every weekend because he has assignments to grade, students to watch, and the whole whatnots of being a professor. :) Occasionally Victoire will bring Emmaline up for a weekend visit at Hogsmeade or something if it's been a little too long since they've seen each other last.

One of my weaknesses is having very reliant female characters, and I wanted to take Vic on another level. Seeing as how it's supposed to be a modern romance and she's an unwed mother with a good job and no time, and happily in love with Teddy, I figured she would be strong. I'm so happy that you caught that! I might do a little happy dance that it's succeeding! haha

It's mentioned right before Louis leaves that Victoire pays him for his week of working. I have it sort of set up in my mind (and you will notice later in the story) that Victoire and Louis are pretty dependant from their parents. Dominique will be a little bit of a different story, but I feel that it's what makes them as strong as you'll see them be.

I thought about the sex life comment, and I think of it as he was trying to sort of make his sister uncomfortable first, but his plan backfired and she used the discomfort on him instead. Some ol' sibling backfiring haha.

If those two spots are the only ones that really stuck out, then I'm super relieved! That's my absolute biggest writing flaw and I worked so hard on fixing that this chapter! I'll see about going back and fixing that haha. Thanks for pointing them out!

Emmaline is five. I didn't know there was a technical age range for toddlers haha. Thanks for letting me know! I'll fix that up with the other things.

Thank you so much for stopping by! I'm happy you liked it! I'm halfway finished with chapter two and I'm having a lot of fun with it. This was a good prompt, yeah? Best of luck to you, too! :D (Even though I'm about to go read it now xD)


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