I've decided I'm going to have to review this as I read, or else I'll forget everything.
Kudos to drawing in the reader to the story so directly! "Can you see it..." "Can you hear them..." it is a real reminder and a great spot for you (me, the reader) to take the time to actual visualize the wonderful world you're creating, and it truly is wonderful! It's like this town actually exists, in brick, and stone, not just sketches and words on a page. Very good job!
I also love all the chameos. Peverell, Pettigrew, I'm assuming Potter will come up. All very nice. I also like how you're foreshadowing through this whole thing. I feel like I'm reading a published novel, and I can't wait to continue. I'm also glad that while he is referred to as Blind Johnny, she calls him John. It seems much more appropriate.
Witch burning has always intrigued and disgusted me, so the part with the councilors talking about expelling the wizards sends a shiver up my spin, even before the snake puts in his two cents.
As a Ravenclaw, I love her introduction! It seems as though you've done a great job with each of the founders. I always thought of them as personifications of their most notable traits, and you certainly have done a good job at fleshing them out. (Though I wish Ravenclaw was a good mommy, as I'm in her house, I agree with your portrayal of her interactions with her daughter.)
I'm quite eager to see if Stephane is a good guy or a bad guy! I've never routed for a Slytherin myself, but it seems as though his ambition comes from the right place, even if his father's ultimately doesn't, though now I'm afraid for Trip.
All in all, very beautifully told. I love the style, the word choice, and syntax. Everything fits perfectly with the picture you're creating.
Author's Response: Hello! :)
I'm glad you liked it and felt it drew the reader in! It was a new fairy-tale style I was trying out and I really loved writing that way. It's wonderful that you were able to visualize the village through the words, and felt it really existed. That is just such lovely praise! :)
Yes! It was really fun to imagine all the roots of the families and tie them into the town. Foreshadowing is just such fun! Wow, thank you! :) You're so perceptive, noticing how she calls him John, not the slightly rude nickname everyone else sees him as. Marigold tries not to define people by their qualities, but by how she sees them.
I feel the exact same way about witch burning- it's repulsive, but strangely interesting and there's so much hate and suspicion behind it. I'm pleased you found it creepy- that's just how I felt as well. :)
I'm glad you liked the Founders as well! I really did want to flesh them out and give them some depth and motivations. Rowena is quite cold, unfortunately for Helena. :( I wish she could have been better as well for her daughter's sake, but canon sadly shows otherwise.
Ohh conflict about Stephane makes me quite happy. He isn't really a good or a bad guy, but I love him anyway. :) You're right, his father is far more corrupt, but sadly he has a lot of influence over Stephane.
Thank you for this beautiful review, it was so full of lovely things! :) I really appreciate all your amazing feedback! :D