Ok, so this chapter had me giggling the whole way through. I love how confident she is. Honestly, most girls like this I would hate, but that's because they're petty, mean, and stuck up, not confident. I can't even hate her because she's just so... Clean. She has a self image to withhold, and maybe she's made her standards a little high in order for someone to look up to her, but it's like she is trying to be someone good that someone can actually look up to. And I absolutely loved how she is the one to take care of Albus and not the other way around. Though, I do fear he overheard something he wasn't meant to hear.
I don't know if I like her boyfriend, though. The comment on "How's my favorite girlfriend?" Makes me not trust him. I mean, my dad jokes like that all the time when I'm his only daughter, but something makes me think he's being honest and she thinks he's kidding so therefore he wins.
The end really sort of made me think though. She has such a strong image and look to her in the beginning. She even goes in about how she knows she's pretty, but then she sort of picks at things when she was alone over her self image. I wonder if there's some cry of help there? I mean, one meant she has chestnut colored hair that are in beautiful curls past her shoulders, then the next her hair is plain and brown, with eyes to match, and she doesn't like that she's not curvy. Then again, maybe it's just because it's the night before she'll be viewed naked in front of the man she loves that has her so self conscious. I could be over reading haha.
I like how she thinks about what her parents are doing with her. It's a completely believable and relatable feeling with separated parents. I think you did a great Jo depicting this.
I think my only critique is what my favorite part of the story is. Though, I don't have much knowledge in this and I may be completely wrong. I don't know where you come from either, so do forgive me if this sounds completely stupid, but I feel like she spoke more like an American teenage girl. I mean, she has the mannerisms of a British girl, but the way her and her friends talk and act are super California American. It's not a bad thing, it just makes location for me a bit harder to understand. I'm from the states, so I don't really know a lot of the British mannerisms other than what I see in movies or the television, so I could be completely wrong on this.
Anyway, I loved this first chapter. I saw your banner status on the forums, decided I needed something to read, and went ahead and checked this out. I'm glad I did because I can't wait to continue on with it. :)
(P.S. Sorry if anything is misspelled or a word has been changed. I'm on my iPhone and I'm afraid it just keeps autocorrecting even when I correct it haha.)
Author's Response: Hi Mae!
I'm glad the chapter had you laughing - the girls are definitely kind of funny in the way that they behave. Typically, I don't like those kind of girls either - I'm glad it worked here though!
Ah, the boyfriend. Yes, that comment. I refuse to say anything else, but he's definitely an interesting character.
That ending was really designed to parallel the beginning, and I'm glad you noticed that. It's kind of referring to the fact that being around her friends is what makes her confident and makes her feel beautiful, and when she's by herself, that kind of fades a little bit, and she starts to pick at her imperfections. Don't worry, you weren't over-reading at all! You were reading exactly what I wanted you to! :)
Her parents are definitely an issue, and I'm glad you think it's believable.
I don't know British mannerisms either, but I really wanted them to appear very clique-y and a bit narcissistic, which I think inadvertently makes them seem a bit Californian American as well, at least in regards to dialogue. I will, however, go through and try to make their mannerisms a bit more British if I can. Thanks for the tip!
I'm glad you liked it so far, and thanks so much for checking this story out and leaving such a sweet review!