Hello there! I just happened to find your stories through your MTA while moderating on the forums, and I ADORE Dramione, so I thought I would give them a read. I'm starting with the oldest and moving forward, so this is the first! I review everything I read, so hopefully I can be of some help. So, let's go over things:
First Random Thought: This is marked as a short story, but I think it would be better labeled as a one-shot. ;)
Second Random Thought: Why did Colin Creevey have a picture of Draco?
Plot: You definitely tricked me! I was so upset thinking that Draco had died, and wondering how Hermione was going to live away from the magical world and all her friends, but the ending was so sweet. I'm so happy he lived and that they'll be together. It was really lovely. Well done. :) Only, I've had the realization that Hermione will never be able to tell her friends about her life and I think she'll miss them eventually... :/ Hm.
Characterization: Hermione was spot-on! I never expected her to be such a good actress, though. I was surprised that Ron agreed to let her leave, but thinking on it, I bet he would want her to be happy. I don't know if she could have lied to Harry as well. And it was a little surprising that she chose to leave her friends, family, and life for Draco...hmmm. Draco was pretty good, but the pet-names he used for Hermione (although sweet) detracted from the scene in my opinion.
Descriptions: I loved when you set the scene of Hermione sitting alone at the window when Ron walked in. I would have liked to have more imagery about how things looked, sounded, smelled, felt, etc. after that scene though. It all moved a bit quickly and I couldn't quite orient myself.
Emotions: Wow! I was so touched at the beginning with the explanation of Hermione helping Draco. That was so sweet. And the ending! YES! I love Dramione. I'm such a sap.
Interactions: The friendship between Hermione and Ron was really, really well-written. I loved their hug before she left, and the line, "The embrace of two friends that had been through far too much." Gah! That was just so sweet. I wish I had had more of a moment to understand the relationship between Hermione and Draco before the end of the story, though. Such as, how and when did they get married? What is their bond like, exactly? They've only been speaking for a few months, after all. Or, at least, that was the impression I got. Just a bit more explanation would help.
Style: The only thing that bothered me in the story was the sporadic use of italics. It really didn't seem necessary and was quite distracting from the actual plot and dialogue. :/
Overall, though, I think you did really well! This was a short, sweet one-shot and I enjoyed reading it! Expect other reviews from me in the near future!
Author's Response: DracoFerret11 (Emily) :)
Well, first it is wonderful that you found me from the Forum my fellow Dramione fan! Although, to me, you picked the wrong story. LOL! XD This was one was written in a rush 2 years ago with a limited word count because it was done for a contest on another site. Jay asked for HPFF'rs to do it, so I hurried and wrote something. And I'm not sure if this really qualifies as an actual story. :D I've done so much better since this was written. I do hope you read one that I'm actually proud of... "When a Wizard Grieves" or "Winds of Azkaban" or if you really want to read something of length, you can try "Delilah's Black Book of Poems." People REALLY seem to love that one. I should probably delete this story, its so terrible.
Anyway for this story...
You are right about the one-shot. I went ahead and updated that.
Creevy: In my mind that little kid would've taken pictures of everyone and everything, so it would be okay for him to capture Draco looking at her. That's all.
Plot. Yes, I just couldn't keep him dead. I wanted him to live in hiding. To me, I figured that she will not be away from friends forever. This is only a temporary thing until things die down and Draco starts new.
So glad that you liked their characterizations. I do try to keep in line with their personalities so that they are believable. She won't be away from them forever. They just need some time away. And the pet-names. Sorry, it was a bit fluffy at the end there. ;)
Thanks for mentioning the beginning at the window. That was actually my favorite part, and again, this was really rushed.
Emotions: Well, if you do try my other stories (mentioned above) you will see some very emotional stuff between these two. I love writing (and reading) sad stories with a little bit of hope at the end.
Ah, yes. I don't hate Ron. I just want Hermione with Draco, that's all. :) With everything that they went through, that is how I see them... deep friends.
Yes, I was rushed to finish and did not go into any detail of Draco and Hermione's relationship. That is why I originally left this as a short story, thinking I'd come back and elaborate in the next chapter. But, I never did and so it remains as is. I was going to elaborate that no one would visit him after the war, not even people that he thought were his friends. He was close to suicide when she arrived. They would've talked in depth about everything during the war and she gave him the idea of living... albeit hidden for now so that he could rebuild his life. I should've used "fiancÃ©" instead of bride. He really wasn't sure if she would actually show up and he called her 'bride' because that is what he wanted her to be soon. Should've fixed that bit. Sorry. :)
I do tend to use italics more than I should. I'll take note of that for future. :)
Thanks so much for the in-depth review and CC. It is a wonderful conversation with me and I appreciate it so very much. I just wish you'd picked a better story of mine. LOL!
Hope to see again sometime. Hurray for Dramione!