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Review:ShadowRose says:
So you requested this review back in August, and I'm only just getting to it now - that's just a bit embarrassing. Anyways, I figure there's no time like the present, so here I am!

Anaxandra is a very interesting character - it's rare to see a character represented in fiction that doesn't go back for their family. However, a scenario like that is actually more common in real life than the stories make it out to be, so I like that she doesn't go back. It makes her human; she's not trying to be some hero, she's lost and confused, and she just wants to get out of there alive.

I like the way you portray her emotions - it's very clear that she's scared and horrified, and it's clouding her judgement and she makes some very hasty decisions. It feels fast-paced and rushed, which is exactly how the actual scene is, and it makes it all that much more realistic and interesting for the reader, because it creates a great deal of tension. Obviously, her character won't be this way throughout the whole story (at least, I hope she's not stuck in life-or-death situations for the entire story), so it'll be interesting to see how this scenario (and its implications, as I'm guessing her family - or most of it - has been killed) affects her, and how her personality is independent of being chased by people trying to kill her.

The description in this chapter isn't too detailed, but I think it works well here. Anaxandra is so frantic that it makes little sense to take the time to go into intense details about her surroundings - given that it's from her point-of-view, I hardly think she'd be focused on every little detail of the scenery. I do like, however, the description of the fire that you use at the end - I almost think it could be elaborated on. As horrible and destructive as it is, fire holds a sense of beauty as well, and I think you could definitely linger on that - and connect more of her memories as well, because I think that's definitely a great detail you have there, and it kind of helps capture the idea that her life is flashing (or burning) before her eyes.

Overall, I think this is a very interesting chapter to start off with. It draws the reader in immediately with a lot of action and drama and chaos, and also poses a lot of unanswered questions - why are these people after her and her family, for one. It really poses as a great starter to answer some of these questions later in the story, and definitely serves to hook the reader. Fantastic job with this first chapter, and feel free to re-request (I swear it won't take 4 months this time)!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing and it's alright. I don't mind waiting :)

I'm glad that you really understand what I was trying to pull off with this chapter. A lot of other opinions have been to add more detail and more emotion, but I felt like that would totally bog down the whole point that I was trying to get across.

I'm glad you enjoy it! I actually am not welcome on the forums anymore, so I can't re-request but if you enjoyed I'd be very excited if you kept reading :)

--Monica


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