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Review:TheMarauderChick says:
Hello! It's Sankavi/&thereshegoes here for your requested review :)

So let's begin, yeah?

Plot: You start right off the bat making me wonder, who's this girl? Why is she chained up? Did she do something wrong? All these questions are what gets the plot moving. I feel like your pace was really good too, not too fast but also not too slow. You didn't bag us with too much description (which I'll come back to in a bit) and especially that cliffhanger ending ties up this chapter really well for a great start. I can't wait to see what you've got planned plot wise for the rest of the story! (I'm especially excited to see how the holy grail ties in)

Characterization: I love how you don't give us her name till the end, and not even her first name at that. It adds a mysterious effects to it :) The way you paint Jugson and Selwyn, ugh they just make me cringe. Just by describing the way they act, you bring out how vile they are, so yay!

Spelling/Grammar: This isn't really my forte, but I'll do my best! So, my first thing isn't really a spelling or grammar error per se. In you second paragraph, at the end, I feel like that last sentence would be much more dynamic without the 'I guess'. Just a thought :) Second, at "That's right" I could almost, there should be a comma after right. Like that, a lot of your dialogue doesn't have punctuation, so just make sure to go through and check every single dialogue bit :) (if you would like, send me a pm and I'd be happy to help!) That was all I could really catch grammar/spelling wise, and I'm not sure if that's cause you're just great at that, or I'm just terrible haha :P

So, description. Description is, at least for me, a terrifying beast that I haven't quite conquered, but it seems that you have. I know it can be hard to figure where the line between too much and not enough is, but I think you've found a good balance. The description goes at a really good pace and you're also not hounding the reader facts, which is good. The only thing I'd have to say on this is sometimes, and this happens when you've got huge chunks of description like at the beginning, I think you're trying to convey so much to the reader that you're a bit all over the place. Like when you're describing her being tied up, you talk about her head throbbing, but then her arms hurting, and then you're back up top to the neck, and then you move onto the back. I think that you could start at one spot and work your way from there. So in this scenario, that would mean talking about the head, then the neck, and then the arms/back. Ack, sorry if I'm not making any sense here :S But I think you get what I'm trying to say?

I really like this story though and I also like where it's headed. If you found my review helpful, totally rerequest!

-Sankavi ^_^

Author's Response: I'm so so sorry that I'm so late replying to this! Life's been so busy lately so it's been a little hard to keep up!

Wow, what a detailed review and I'm so grateful for that!

I'm glad you like the plot and if I'm 100% honest, half the time I don't even end up sticking to planned plot lines! I just go with it, which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. Half of these chapters were supposed to be completely different!

Also, so happy wth your feedback on description! It's something I always always have trouble with! Sometimes I over describe and my words soundless like pointless babble.

Thank you so much again for the lovely review!


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