Happy Day 12, you! This is, of course, for the 12 Days of Reviewing challenge, and I'm so excited about today's task because it immediately led me to you and to this story!
Wow. This was just beautiful. I really loved it.
Aesthetically it caught my eye right from the start, which is sort of a weird thing to comment on, but hey! I just found it very pleasing! hehehe Stylistically, this was exceptional, in my opinion. I love the way you wrote it, with the purposeful flipping of tenses while still always in Teddy's POV; the way you sort of slowly led us into certain details so that we were given some surprises; the almost casual stringing together of events and moments that piece by piece constructed a relationship - all of it was fantastic.
I love how every snippet into their lives is rather short and to the point without every sounding choppy or losing its really beautiful flow. One of my favorite sections was this very short, seemingly insignificant exchange: ""Your smile," he said. "What about it?" "It's nice." "Thanks," she muttered." There's something about its simplicity that really makes it stand out. It's such a quiet little exchange, but it speaks volumes. It shows the innocence of where they once were, which makes the moments of doubt and distress and heartbreak all the more real and raw and upsetting.
The ending is almost sad, even though it's technically happy, but it's not really the ending of their story either, is it?! The beginning is the ending, and it isn't happy! You're trying to trick us into believing they work out and find true and lasting happiness in one another, despite the feuds and drama we see earlier, by ending it with this "Merry Christmas" business, but pfft. Pfft, I say! haha It's pretty great how invested you've gotten me, though. I'm not a big Next Gen fan, but I could totally ship Rose/Teddy after reading this.
Speaking of: I really love your versions of each of them. They feel so very real and authentic to me, with their imperfections and saying the wrong things and jumping to conclusions, but still trying so hard to hold themselves together. Teddy is so sweet and such a romantic, and though I don't think I could ever date a guy like that in real life, he's pretty great on paper. He cares deeply for Rose and that point is driven home so poignantly throughout the story, thanks mostly in part to those few italicized first-person thoughts he has. I love that you let us journey into his mind every so often; it brought a really personal level to him. And Rose was very distinct - a Ravenclaw, a bit of a loner, kind of impatient and blunt, but with a kind heart beneath it. I really loved them together, too, though it's sad that the beginning seems to have them fated to not work out.
There were a few little technical things, so I figured I'd point them out!:
"You wish(,) Weasley."
""You don't, but you should," he mused. (")You deserve to be loved. Tell me, how does it feel to be so awesome?""
"Where ever (Wherever, not Where ever) you want."
""With you(,) Lupin," she whispered, grabbing his hand."
"There was a lot he could so (do, not so), a lot he could say."
"He carried in her arms..." - I think you meant 'He carried her in his arms'?
"You could have asked(,) Teddy Lupin!"
""Merry Christmas(,) Weasley," you reply."
Anyway, all of those details were miniscule! The story was just wonderful, I truly enjoyed it from start to finish! And for your first attempt at fluff especially, you should be extremely proud of yourself! I'm so happy I had the chance to read this, it was just great! :-D
Author's Response: TANYA I AM HERE FINALLY, RESPONDING!
I have never been this terrible with review responding, I swear!
I'm really pleased you like how the piece looke dlol. That was something new to try, and I'm glad it worked for you. You have no idea how much it means for me that you liked this piece, since your writing is some of the most beautiful things I have ever read. You are so talented and it means the world, hearing you say this.
I was worried a lot of the times, wondering whwtehr the snippets were too short, or too lacking of description. Your words are so encouraging and I thank you for that. That moment with her smiles was one of my favourite moments actually, it showed how much of a sweetheart Teddy really is.
Haha, I like that! I don't think they end up with each other, actually, so you're right. The point of the whole thing was to show that... maybe they're supposed to work out, but they can't because Teddy's too much a romantic and he's too perfect and Rose holds back a lot. Susan later said in a review how she doens't think a baby can help with their bond, and I agree. I think Rose is still too young and Teddy doesn't understand that this isn't the right time for him to be asking what he wants from her, because she won't respect his feelings the same way.
Thank you for those typos!
And as far as characterization is concerned, I also worried that maybe it wasn't right for me to make them the way I did, but it was necessary for the fluff haha :P
Thank you so much for your kind words, and the review. You were one of the strongest people I eveer saw going at every day for the competition, so congrats. It means so much! ♥