Hi! Iím here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge at the forums.
I love and also hate the idea of Roxanne having to deal with an insult mirror - it sounds like exactly the sort of tacky, silly magical object youíd get in the potterverse, and itís definitely a daft gift. Although Iím reading it literally as Roxanne having to face an actual mirror that insults her, Iím also interpreting it as her own voice that she might hear in her head as influenced by the media, etc.
I think itís desperately sad in chapter two when Roxanne mentions Molly and her terminal illness, and almost seems to wish Molly would be dead. Roxanne really gets put through the works in this fic! I appreciate that you showed her cycle of illness and recovery from start to finish, highlighting the start of it and then bringing it to a close. Unlike most fics about self-harm, anorexia and abuse, it wasnít too sensationalised, and I liked the more hopeful tone of the final chapter.
My main criticism would be that Roxanne and Seanís relationship was far too rushed in this chapter - they went from meeting to expecting a baby in no time at all, and then he was dead! I appreciate that Roxanneís illness would have made her more vulnerable and perhaps too trusting towards men, but if this is the case, you could do with making it a little more explicit. As it was, things seemed to happen very quickly, and his introduction felt like more of a catch-all Ďcureí for her mental health disorders than a true romance. I do like the ending, though, when Roxanne resolves to love her children no matter what and do whatever she can to help their self-esteem. She makes a complete change in her life in this closing chapter, which is heartwarming.
You also had a few issues with flip-flopping tenses in this fic, e.g the two of them were talking about Quidditch and Katie occasionally put in a word or two. Freddie and LeeAnne were sitting in front of us, talking quietly about their twin boys (names, they just found out last night) - the story often flopped between past and present tense, which I found a little confusing. That sentence seems like the past tense (and the ending makes me think that Roxanne is narrating this from far in the future) but the mention of the twins is in the present tense. Also, I thought you mentioned Roxanne was at a muggle school in the first chapter, so I was confused for a lot of this about whether she was actually a witch or not, haha!
Good job, though, for tackling a lot of very difficult issues in a pretty sensitive way. And a happy new year! ♥
Author's Response: First of all, thank you for the review I really appreciate it.
Now about Roxanne and Sean relationship, I sort of viewed it as a whirlwind romance, I can see Roxanne being with someone who will make her happy. Sean makes her happy because he understands that he needs to help her, and I did jump around in the last chapter. They had been going out for at least a year, and he was planning on proposing to her.
The tenses have always been an issue of mine, but I'll get around to editing it soon.
And the mention of Muggle school in the first chapter. Roxanne is five at the time, my headcannon is that all the Weasley kids went to primary school until Hogwarts age. It made sense to me as their parents couldn't all homeschool them if they were working, also it would help them be around/respect Muggles.
Thank you again for the review and constructive criticism.