Ms. Lizzie from the forums here!
So you said in your areas of concern that you might abandon the story, but nothing I say can sway you either way on that! Only you can know if it's worth your time-- are you developing your writing skills? Do you still have fun writing it? Do you feel like there's more story left to tell? These are things you should use to decide whether or not to continue the story.
After that mini-lecture (sorry 'bout that) onto my review!
I like this as an introductory chapter! I felt like I really got to know Albus and Scorpius, and it gave me a good ground work for their friendship.
A big piece of their world are the politics from the war still affecting them, so I thought the line in the beginning, "Voldemort had been dead for nearly twenty years, Death Eaters were rotting in Azkaban, the wizard prison and the peace that was reigning over the wizarding world didnít look as if it would be shattering anytime soon." to be a little out of place. It makes their world seem completely peaceful, but we see that James and Rose are prejudice against Scorpius, as is Goyle.
Speaking of James, I was surprised at how anti-Slytherin he is, because I feel like Harry would have raised him differently. But we do see him teasing his brother on the platform in the epilogue, so I can see it.
I feel like if you were to edit the chapter, I would look at the dialogue and see what was necessary for plot, character development and what was kind of just "there." I feel like some could be caught.
I would continue reading, so if that helps you out, good!
Please feel free to re-request another chapter!
Author's Response: Hello!
Sorry that it took so long for me to get back to you, real life has been a major pain. Anyway, I haven't decided if I'll abandon this story or not but thanks for your advice and words of wisdom, I didn't mind the mini-rant.
Well, when I first wrote this I hadn't had much of a clue on what I would do later for this story so that line might not fit for that reason. But also, its meant to be a bit of a lie, considering that there's still prejudice that the kids see and experience. Or even tag along in. Hence, why Rose wasn't interested in talking to Scorpius or being anywhere near him. The War was over but there were still a lot of nasty things under the surface.
James has cousins and other influences and I don't think he would completely ignore what his father taught him but I also think that he would try to follow his relatives. And also, he is his own little man, his thoughts are probably not the same as Harry's so that was something I'd wanted to make clear. I didn't want them to be miniatures of their parents, which is SO boring. Hahah.
This is just the first chapter and I honestly had no idea what I was doing with it so if you'd wanted to read on, that would be great. Or not? Hahahah.
Thanks for the review,