Hi there! It's Raine from the forums with your requested review :) Now, when I saw your request I wasn't sure if you just wanted me to review the first chapter or read the whole story and review your most current chapter, but since I usually only read and review one chapter for requests, that's what I'm doing now -- if you meant for me to read the whole thing, then I'm really sorry :p
Anyway, I think you have a good first chapter so far! I know when I write stories, the first part is often the part I struggle with a lot, but I think you did rather well. Your writing is very easy to read -- the flow and pacing are slow enough so we can get all the details, but at the same time quick enough so it never feels boring or anything. While starting a story at the Hogwarts Express is somewhat common, it makes sense here since we left Albus and the rest of them there at the end of DH. From what little we saw of them in the epilogue, I thought everyone was rather in-character in this chapter, so well done on that! I especially liked Scorpius -- it just seemed so like him to not like his parents and the whole Death Eater thing.
Also, I liked the banter between Albus, Rose and James. It all felt very natural to me and it definitely sounded like they had all grown up together and were close. I especially liked the addition of canon when they mentioned the whole teaching-garden-gnomes-swear-words thing, since it's rare that people let canon actually tie into next gen stories. The grammar and spelling etc. was good in this chapter as well -- there were some misplaced commas here and there, but for the most part it was okay, except that Weasley is spelled wrong when Rose is first introduced and Scorpius hasn't got an 'o' in it. Also, by Professor McMillian do you mean Ernie Macmillan from the books? It's just I love how familiar some things are from canon, although his surname was spelled wrong. The spacing of the chapter at the very end after your A/N by the way is a little wonky, but nothing a quick edit won't fix :)
All in all, this was an enjoyable read, and even the few spelling mistakes didn't throw me off too much, so well done! I didn't think it was boring at all and I'd love to see more from Albus and Scorpius and the rest, especially what houses they'll be in! Thanks for requesting!
Author's Response: Hello!
Thanks for the review, I'm so sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you. Real life is such a pain!
I didn't have much trouble writing the first half of this for some reason, I usually struggle quite a bit whenever I start a story but this came off as so easy. I think it was because I knew exactly what I was going to do at the time so it went rather smoothly. Thank God. Hahahah.
I tried to make this not as detail oriented as some of my other stories and honestly, this is the first one I've ever written. I didn't have any idea of what I wanted for this story so I just got all of my ideas out and hoped for the best. Hahahah.
Thank you for liking the kids too! I tried to keep them as canon as possible, well, with what we saw in the Epilogue at least so that came off as a relief. Trust me, Scorpius has more than a bit of hatred for his family, it just gets worse.
Banter is fun to write! Albus, Rose and James are hilarious for me to write and since they grew up together, you could tell the family dynamics so much better as they talked and interacted. I think that tying in the actual HP books with fanfiction is crucial for making it more relatable so I'm glad that you liked it.
Scorpious's name changes quite a bit! I leave the 'O' in it on purpose at some point because I got tired of editing it out and plus, it makes him seem more like my own but I might change it if I make a sequel.
Anyway, thanks for the review and I hope to see you around again if I make another request!