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Review:Violet Gryfindor says:
That last line! lol, it was perfect! And Hugo's line just before that, as though it had come right out of his mother's mouth. XD You portrayed the next generation wonderfully in this story!

The plot of this reminded me a bit of Mr. Bean's Christmas where one thing after another goes terribly wrong. It made for a wonderfully comical story, though I did feel bad for the two of them - they put in a lot of effort, but it just wasn't working out at all. And you used repetition to your advantage with the way Fred had to remind Roxanne about using her wand to put out the fires (though she came by it honestly, seeing that none of the assembled family had their wands at the ready). The part I found the most funny, however, was when they switched aprons. That scene was amazingly done, and I loved the image of it, with Fred in the ruffles and Roxanne arm-wrestling him for the cooler apron. That was a lot of fun!

Another thing that stood out was how this kind of thing happens every year, as though the Potter-Weasley children are cursed to absolutely mess up the holiday dinner. Perhaps what's funnier is that their parents continue to allow them to be in charge despite the cousins' track record. You really can't fault the cousins for creativity, though - they try all sorts of exciting things, and it's just too bad that none of them seem to work out. :P

There are a couple of things I'm wondering about. First of all, how did Fred get himself into that mess outside? You don't need to explain this in the story - I like the idea that it just happens and distracts Roxanne from the turkey, but I'm still curious. Did he try to use magic to feed the chickens and it backfired on him? Or did the gnomes cause trouble? Another question regards the turkey - do the Weasleys have a fast-cooking oven because it burned really fast, or did I miss something? I do like the idea of a magical oven, though - it's just the kind of convenience that would appeal to magical folk. The only other thing would be to give this story a good read through once the queue re-opens so that you can fix the grammar and smooth out the writing. One major one that stood out was this line of dialogue: Yes, Iím sure now would you relax? - there should be a period after "sure". It's all little things like that, all easy to fix. :)

Great work on this story! It made for a fun holiday read. ^_^

Author's Response: The ending was my favourite part myself. Personally, I think it was one of the best parts of the one-shot but that may just be me.

I hadn't even thought of it being like Mr. Bean's Christmas but I suppose it is what with everything going wrong. It seems that the Weasleys and Potters are destined to have disastrous holidays no matter how hard they try. Fighting over which apron to wear seemed like something that Fred and Roxanne would do given their personalities in this.

I think that all of the adults are secretly hoping that maybe one of their children/nephews/nieces won't blow up anything so that's why they keep giving them so much control over Christmas.

Well, the way that Fred got into the situation with the chicken feed and everything was that he was carrying it outside to feed the chickens and accidentally tripped over a garden gnome. He fell, the open bag of chicken feed spilled all over him. The chickens started pecking because of the food and the gnomes were trying to get back at him for almost crushing one of their own.

In my head I think that the Weasleys have an oven that cooks food faster so that you don't have to wait as long to eat (that would be a brilliant invention in the muggle world).

I've just gone and read through the one-shot and fixed some of the things that have been pointed out to me so it should be better than the original. Thanks so much for your lovely review!


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