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Review:magnolia_magic says:
Hi Bella! I'm here for our review swap! Thanks so much for taking me up on the offer, by the way :)

Intriguing opening! I've never read an OC story from this time period before, so I was glad for the chance to branch out a little. And I like your narrator so far. It's hard to get a sense of her character right away, since this chapter is so much about setting the scene of Malfoy Manor and dropping backstory hints. But I'm dying to find out more about her and about the Holy Grail! That's exactly what you want in an opening chapter, for your readers to be excited to read on. And I think you nailed it...there's a perfect amount of mystery and suspense!

Your descriptions of the Death Eaters are so sinister and spot-on. I'm pretty sure a shiver went down my spine when she walked into the dining room and saw all of them there. You did a really great job of setting up an ominous, suspenseful tone with this chapter, and the dining room scene was the strongest example of that.

Some minor CC: I think the description of the dungeon at the beginning could be cut a bit shorter. By the time we get to the dream sequence (which I loved, by the way), I sort of felt like the narrative was dragging a bit. That said, however, I think those descriptions are incredibly strong. I especially loved the sensory detail you included, like her hair being caught in the neck collar and itching. It's something I never would have thought about including, and it helps me get a great feel for the horror that the narrator is going through. So I'd suggest taking another look at that section: decide which statements are the most vibrant and contribute most to the tone you're setting, and just keep those :)

I'm really intrigued to find out more about your narrator, like I've said. Was she a Slytherin? A Mudblood? Possibly both? How did she know Crabbe and Malfoy? You did an awesome job of getting me on the hook, that's for sure! Thanks again for the swap, Bella! I really enjoyed this chapter a lot :)

--Maggie

Author's Response: Hi there!

I'm sorry for the late reply but I just havn't had much time (sigh)

Annyyywayy, I'm glad you liked the narration because I did find it slightly tedious, more so in coming chapters so it's always good to know that you thought otherwise!

Also, I did try to be as baleful as I could be with the characters but obviously I did not want to make them overly disturbing (even though some of them very well may be creepy sociopaths) So again, I'm glad that you liked the discription of them and oh my a shiver?! That's a compliment on my account I think haha :P

Also, I like the idea of cutting down on the quantity a bit, so maybe when I get around to editing all these chapters, I'll take that on board!

Thank for once again for such a lovely review!

Bella x


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