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Review:writeyourheartout says:
I am so happy I stumbled upon this novella! I was searching for stories that had a feast involved (because of a little review competition over on the forums) and I was searching for a while trying to find one that not only fit the theme, but that was also enjoyable to read and preferably had fewer reviews than it deserved. Yours couldn't have fit more perfectly! Again, I'm so glad to have found this one. :)

The opening few lines are just so lovely! The imagery is breathtaking and makes me wish I too could be alone with my thoughts in the solitude of that forest you described! The sunlight, the new leaves, the softness; I envy it! Beautiful descriptions.

I love this line: "I know he has the capacity to love, his heart is a big as any I have ever come across but he tries to give everyone a little piece so there is never any left over for just one special girl." It gives a bit of insight as to who James is through Eloise's eyes in such a bittersweet way; just lovely.

I think you did a really good job with giving us background information on the character's and their relationships with one another without ever making it sound too explain-y. I hate when I read stories and the first chapters are just these long-winded paragraphs that tell you who's who and what's what rather than showing us; it's boring and unnecessary when the author just tells us what they could much more effectively show us. You found a really great balance between the two, though, I think.

I adore your OC, Eloise. I think she seems incredibly sweet and kind and is very, very likable. I feel that most OC's these days tend to take on this very loud, witty, sarcastic, and somewhat obnoxious persona and I've honestly grown quite tired of that personality type, so it's great to read about a much more subdued OC! I also love that she's got a pretty voracious appetite and that it actually SHOWS! She's got a bit of fat on her and that's kind of really awesome to see! Kudos! And can I just say - and this is totally biased of me, but - I love that your MC is a Hufflepuff! It's so great to see a well-represented Puff being written about in such a great light, too! Not to mention most of the other main character's involved are Puffs too! A very refreshing array of details here; I love it. ^.^

All of that said, however, I would also have to say that while the writing itself is very pretty and lovely throughout the entire chapter, there were a handful of places where the grammar and sentence structure did get a little wonky and it would break up the otherwise beautiful flow of the story. It seems to be a mix of not knowing when to and when to not use comma's, semi-colons, and periods in a handful of places, and it simply disrupts the fluidity of the story when I have to reread a sentence due to odd phrasing.

Here's a good example of that: "I never was a morning person what makes Alice think anything has changed?" - There are two pretty distinct sets of thought in this sentence that really need at least a semi-colon separating them. Without it, they combine into one stream-lined thought that reads very oddly when stuck altogether like that. Something like this: "I never was a morning person; what makes Alice think anything has changed?" or this: "I never was a morning person. What makes Alice think anything has changed?" gives the reader a little more guidance and keeps the story nice and fluid! Those sorts of bumps could be found in quite a few places throughout the chapter. I hope that makes sense!

I found a few other little errors scattered about as well that I thought I'd point out for you:

"...he never seemed to get to (too, not to) emotionally involved with any of them."

"We have been friend(s) ever since our first year..."

"...I roll over and burry (bury) my head under my pillow..."

""That depends... What is it in honour off (of, not off)?""

"He pulls a face and does (not) answer."

"...there must be something wrong with me to spends (spend, not spends) so much time with..."

Even with those few critiques, overall this chapter was honestly a pleasure to read! I think you have a really lovely writing style and a really unique set of characters that I hope to explore further when I get the chance to read on! It's a really great foundation and I look forward to continuing on with the story (which is honestly saying a lot because I never read Next Gen stories, but you've got me hooked)! Yay!

Happy Holidays! ^.^

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