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Review:SilentConfession says:
Hey Illuminate,

Another big change from the prologue to this one. It makes me antsy to read this though because I know where it will end up. I also like the tie in at the very end and her determination to find out who did this to her mother. She's taking her life into her hands and going with it. We can see by the prologue where that brought her. This really gives the reader massive amounts of anticipation for what's to come and makes every moment seem really important. Or should be important anyway.

I don't necessarily think that more stuff needs to happen, but I think you should be very intentional with your choices of what to include. I think this comes with what I was saying about how every moment seems to matter in a story that starts with the end first and then goes back to the beginning. It makes the moments a lot more important as the reader knows how it's going to turn out. This can be a really lovely plot device, but you also need to watch out with how you include information and how important this information is. I felt like the chapter was a bit long and full of some information that you could have introduced more slowly. I get that you want this to be sort of a stand alone, but, i felt like there was a lot of telling about her friends and describing what her friendship with each of them was like. The most effective way you did that was when she mentioned she wanted to use Fred's favourite swear word. That was really effective and active, but as you continued it got more tell-y and for a first chapter I think there could have been less of that. Let that information come, we don't need to know her relationship with each character right off the bat. It's information overload.

You had some really neat details here. Those awkward moments when the parents get together and you'e sort of quietly sitting there while they chat, but there are others you could talk to... but it's just you don't because either your parents are caught up in conversation or you don't know what to say. That was great between Paul and Brienne. I also really liked the awkwardness between her and George and how her friends think they are together, but Brienne hasn't even heard from George alone (the letter from F&G doesn't really count). It's great to see that they aren't automatically comfortable with one another, but it's still going to take time for them to actually coexist as a couple.

Generally, I think it was a good introduction chapter. You ended on a really good note with the necklace and I was honestly thinking something was going to happen with it. I still don't trust the necklace, i feel like it's going to do something at some point! However, that end bit really helps pull The Joker and this story together as you can see, again, how much Brienne has grown and how she's now ready to fight to find out the truth. It is a good clincher!!

Thanks for requesting me! It's always a joy to read this series!! -zayne

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm glad you like the plot device I used- I will do my best to make that pay off throughout the story.

I agree with you about the recap of her friendships- thanks for letting me know about it, I will go through it and try to cut it down a bit. You're right- it should come more organically.

Her and George's relationship isn't exactly tied up in a neat ribbon just yet xD

I'm glad you liked the ending! I really want this to sort of seem like a new beginning sort of thing, like something's really kicking into gear.

Thank you very much for your lovely review!



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