Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums! I decided to read and review all of the Writer's Duel entries! :D So, let's go over things:
Grammar/Spelling: Only one error that I spotted. You wrote, "She remembered when all he would do is lay down beside her and let her breath." That last word there should be "breath." That's it though!
Line I Loved: It's rare that a story has a line that I adore so much that I have to mention it. But this one did. And it was: "His hazel eyes were red. Holding back and holding on. (He didn't have to say it)." AH. I LOVE IT. The "holding back and holding on" was where it really struck me. Amazing.
Plot: So, this was really lovely. You did an amazing job of capturing Hannah's emotions and experiences. I liked that you added in the canon characters who died in the Battle of Hogwarts. It was really striking. I was just really impressed, honestly. Very, very well done.
Characterization: You did a gorgeous job of capturing Hannah and Ernie. I've never read a story with Ernie as a main character, but I still felt so bad for him when she told him that he couldn't save her and h realized that she was right. I like that this story also sets up Hannah to end up with Neville! (If you're following JK canon.) But she was lovely. Broken, sad, but so real. Great job.
Descriptions: I actually think the lack of constant descriptions in this story really helped it. It made a lot of sense that Hannah wouldn't be paying much attention to how she looked, etc. The details that you did choose to give really enhanced the story and the mood. Wonderful.
Emotions: Wow. You really blew me away with the feelings that Hannah had. And the moment where Ernie realized he had to let her go. Ah. So sad. But amazingly beautiful. Great job.
Style: Your style in this was awesome! Normally I hate parentheses in stories, but they served such an obvious and concrete purpose here that I can't protest them at all. Wonderful.
Overall, great job! Good luck in the Duel!
Author's Response: Hey!!
Thank you so much for taking your time to review this little story of mine! I'm really pleased you've reacted so well to this, even though it's quite sad for a New Years story. I'm always a little unsure before posting stories like this. I worry about other people's reaction to post war fics. But anyway, I'm really pleased that you found this so lovely.
I don't know why i'm always drawn to post war horror stories where the characters go through hell and back to move on. I guess I like the emotion of it. I'm really happy you liked the plot of it, how, although it was about rebirth and change, there is darkness with it because to get this rebirth they had to let go. Let go of each other and everything they'd been through together. It came as a realization from both of them. He, as you said, accepting that he couldn't save her, and she, realizing that he couldn't save her- she'd have to do it herself. Let go of everything that's been holding her back. And he has been in a weird way, he was a symbol of war and things she's lost.
I really enjoyed writing Ernie and Hannah. They were my head canon for so long. I'm really pleased you enjoyed their characterization as well. I've always seen Ernie as a fairly strong and loyal character (sure, he doubted Harry for a bit there, but he was sticking up for his own friend whom he knew better) and I think he's a really fascinating character. I'd love to write a longer story about him. But yah, that was the whole point of this, was to set it up for Hannah/Neville later on. I'm letting canon take over my head canon. I'm really pleased you liked Hannah and thought of her as a real, live breathing character. I don't ever want to fall into the rut where I write emotional stories and the characters don't feel real and able to connect with people reading.
Yah, I didn't want to overload the story with description. It would have detracted from the story. I agree with you there. Right now, that's less important than what is going on and i'm really happy you felt the same way.
Thank you so much for reviewing this story and leaving such lovely comments! I'm not a massive fan of parentheses either, but for some reason it worked with this story for me. It made it feel more connected and grounded. Thanks again for your lovely review!