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Review:CambAngst says:
Hi, Kiana! One more chapter before bed, I think.

You did a great job with Ted and Andromeda's secret interludes. It was very sweet the way that you wrote them. Ted comes off as sort of a lovable lunkhead, although in many ways he's more practical than Andromeda. He's plainly more of a risk-taker, although he doesn't seem to understand just how dangerous Andromeda's family can be. It's sad to stop and realize that this sort of attitude might someday be the thing that gets him killed. Nevertheless, it was obvious how smitten he is with her. Having him chase her down in the corridor was a good testament to that.

I thought you struck a good balance with Narcissa in this chapter. You can see the signs that she's growing up. She's starting to take herself more seriously, not wanting to be called by the pet name of her childhood. And she's starting to be a bit more like Bella, which is sad. I liked that her concern for Bella didn't have anything to do with the Dark Lord's aims being wrong. She seems to agree with his philosophy on muggles and muggle-borns. Rather, she doesn't want Bella to be tarnished by committing acts of violence and murder. There's a very genuine concern there, one that rings true to the Narcissa Malfoy who's wiling to sacrifice everything to protect her family so many years later. She also still seems a bit fragile -- needing to stop and catch her breath when she's upset, for instance -- and that is a good reminder of her relatively young age and aristocratic upbringing.

There is nothing to be done. Nothing she can think of. Itís not that she wants to give up on Bella, they are sisters after all. Though in a case like this itís hard to even decide where to begin. -- That's a really good way to put it. It seems as though Bella chose her destiny a long time ago and Narcissa is finally realizing what Andromeda has known for a long time.

Soon, she'll fade and never light up again. Soon, she'll be like Bella. -- It's nice to realize that Andromeda wasn't completely right about her younger sister.

I noticed a few things that might be typos as I was reading. Oddly enough, they're all in the same paragraph:

She waves her hand at him while heading down the set of stairs; if her mother finds about this sheíll have a fit. -- finds out about this

Most of the people she knows will have a fit if they find out about them, now she thinks about it. -- now that she thinks about it

Turning the corning, a stampede of footsteps can be heard heading towards her. -- Turning the corner

Otherwise, splendid writing as always! I'm really enjoying what you're doing here.

Author's Response: Hi again!

I'm glad that you liked Ted because it was rather fun making him the fluffy one out of the two when that role is usually delegated to the woman. I'm glad that you picked up on how he didn't realise how dangerous the Blacks were. I would like to think that he did realise later on that they were capable of murder, it's just he seems so nice that he almost wouldn't want to realise that people were capable of that.

I know what you mean about the pet name, but that is the downfall of Andromeda with never really taking her sister seriously and always calling her Cissy and this is sort of addressed in chapter five. I'm glad that you picked up Cissy's peculiar character. I guess it just shows the mixture of Bella and Andromeda's influence upon her with the pureblood ideas in her, but then the compassion that Andromeda gave her.

Yes, it is a nice case of someone being proved wrong. I suppose Andromeda only really thought that because she had her Ted who could lead her away from this and to happy times, whereas Cissy only has Lucius who really isn't a beacon of hope.

Thanks for pointing those typos out, there are always some which slip past me. I'll edit them out as soon as I finish this response. :)

Thanks for another great review, Dan :D


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