I was just browsing through TGS and then I saw you had a new story up and practically skipped over here. Gah, itís so exciting because I havenít read any of your fluffier pieces in ages!
It was really nice to get back into James and Lily because even though I raided your page for them during the House Cup, Iíve sort of turned to the more bitter side of them now so having a fluffier and happier piece like this reminded me of why I originally loved them so much. Even though it was a fluffier piece it still managed to capture of their few imperfections such as James stumbling on the ground, and Lily not allowing herself to get close enough to him to call him by his first name. All of those things revealed so much about the pair of them and it was really great how you just slipped them in.
One thing I really loved was how James just seemed so interested in Lily. You really showed how he fell in love with her because she just seemed to be such a fascinating person to him, rather than him almost wanting to do it because he pursued her for so long now he may as well give in. One line which really struck out to me was him wondering what it would have been like to discover magic. It was just such a fresh interpretation of him being inquisitive that I really loved the way you changed it up.
Lilyís characterisation here was really interesting. James comments about him no longer wanting to possess her, almost as if the closer he drew to her the more he saw her as an independent person and one which is not to be put on a pedestal. Then there was the brief comment about Snape only briefly being touched by the light suggesting that perhaps if Lily had tried to stay and help him he may have been saved. Even though I usually hate the idea of Lily being the saviour of all portrayal, I liked it here because it sort of recognised her as an independent person, one which had complexities and that was a great twist to it.
You had some really beautiful description so Iíll just pick out a few favourites!
ĎA streak of green and blue and all the shades between burst through the night, a paintbrush slicing across a dark canvas once and again, guided by a furious hand.í & ĎA green ribbon spread across the sky above them, a curling, glittering light reaching for the stars.í
^All of those varied things really made up the madness of the sky and a way never really described before. Your description always does make me look at things in a new way. Though right now itís making me wish I lived further north so I could see all of this at night!
The dialogue in here was really wonderful! It was so simplistic with the language and the lack of dialogue tags and qualifiers enforced this idea even more. It sort of showed how they were now so comfortable with one another they no longer needed a mask to hide behind, and it was really lovely to see their relationship had grown that much.
Then one final thing! Jamesís love for Lily just seemed so pure, so happy to, it was really shown in a way Iíve never seen before and a way I saw more often. It had none of the dramatics or elaborations which I tend to see. Then the fact it was shown at time when they were more than friends but not a couple and it was such a tentative and gentle love it made me aw so much.
An amazing one-shot!
Author's Response: Thank you for stopping by to read and review this story! :D Haha, it's not as though I actually write many fluffy stories. I don't even know if this story could be called fluffy, but at least it's not as painful or dramatic as many of my other stories.
I'm glad to hear that you liked those details in their behaviour. For James, I wanted to emphasize the way that he's usually up in the air playing Quidditch - when he does run on land, it's on four legs as a stag. So running on two legs catches him off guard. Meanwhile Lily has trust issues, as I assume she'd have after what happened with Snape - she's been slowly coming to acknowledge James's goodness, but she wants to make sure that it's real before she allows their relationship to move forward. So it's easier for her to call him Potter, letting him know where the line is drawn, putting him in his place. I love being able to include those little things because they reveal far more about a character than simple telling ever would.
Actually, when it came to that line about Snape, it wasn't that Lily could have saved Snape, but that Snape could have saved himself using Lily's example. Snape had the opportunity to stand up for himself and be his own person, rather than being so easily drawn into the Death Eaters, but he didn't fight against their influence - he chose to turn against Lily instead. It's not Lily herself that could save Snape - it's her influence, the very influence that Harry follows, which enables him to defeat Voldemort.
It's great that you noticed how the dialogue was simplistic - their speech is in direct contrast with the descriptions and the sublime nature around them. The world is so much bigger and more brilliant than they are, and they never try to change that - they simply accept it, and that's what makes them different from characters like Snape, Voldemort, and Dumbledore.
Thank you again for your review! It's fantastic to hear from you! :D