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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hey Courtney, here with your review!

Wow, I really enjoyed this first chapter and it definitely kept my attention throughout. I think the key thing to this was because of Regulus’s brilliant characterisation because I could really grasp what emotions he was feeling, what had led him to do this and this made me relate to him in a way I never really anticipated that I would.

One thing about his characterisation which shone throughout the story was his youth. In a way, he was doing this because he needed to conquer his fear and prove something to his father, then when he killed the muggle girl that same theme was carried through with needing to prove things to his relatives culminating in the cruciatus curse. The way you played on his insecurities throughout this was really brilliant because we can all relate being in a situation we just can’t deal with and we’re not brave enough to get out and that’s what I felt with Regulus. It really was fantastic.

Despite there are being a whole range of Death Eaters, they each had their own moment and that was really great because it meant we got to identify with them a little more. The ones which stood out to me were Bellatrix and Lucius. Bellatrix was written really wonderfully! I really hope she appears more in this story because you wrote her insanity in such an understated way it really blended well with JK’s way. Sometimes people go overboard and I get bored with the whole Bellatrix is insane thing but you didn’t!

Then Lucius was perfect in his slimy ways! I wonder how these two will continue to affect Regulus given that they are close relations of him. Then the small mention of Narcissa was really good too because they’re kindred spirits in a way with both of them stuck in a situation they can’t get out of now. Overall, just really excellent characterisation!

The only thing I would suggest changing is the large amount of adverbs used with the dialogue tags. Though they can be useful at times, they grew a little too excessive in this chapter and it slowed the flow of the reading. Like here ‘“Enough with the pleasantries, Dolohov,” Bellatrix said impatiently.’ We know she’s impatient because she wants it to end but the addition of impatiently just made it a little repetitive. Errors like these are easy ones to fix so it’s nothing much to worry about.

That was a really fantastic first chapter and feel free to re-request!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hey there! Thank you so much for reviewing, I'm so sorry it took me such a long time to get back to you - I feel absolutely terrible!

I'm glad you mentioned all the Death Eaters, because I had so much fun with them, especially because we do not know a lot about them, at least not how they were twenty years ago!

That tip was actually really helpful! I read this review a while ago, and ever since I have been taking your advice on not using so many adverbs, so thank you!

Courtney:)


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