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Review:SilentConfession says:
Hi, just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for this late response to your requested review! I took a bit of a break from these, which wasn't massively fair to those requesting. Anyway, I am sorry, but it's better late than never, right?

Right, so I thought this was an interesting start. I like how you tried to get us to understand and know your main character. She seems like a bubbly, likeable character so that's always nice. She also seems to be a good mix of her parents and has a nice slice of sarcasm that spices up her characterization. It's a little early to really comment too much on her characterization as it is the first chapter. You have given us some helpful hints so far though. The only thing i would suggest is to keep her rounded and to add in some faults and weaknesses she has as the story continues. Also, it would be best to show these weaknesses, not just tell them. There were times throughout this chapter I felt this was being told more things than being shown through her actions. It would make the story feel more active if we learned what she looked like by way of actions rather than a blocky paragraph about it for example. Or, if we saw her sarcasm rather than being told she was sarcastic at the Quidditch matches at school.

I like that you put some background information here. We have a good idea of where she came from and what she was like at school. We also are understanding her motivation to be a Healer instead of a Quidditch junkie. That's a really interesting twist and makes your story really lovely as it makes her seem dynamic. However, i did feel there was information overload here and it was really hard to keep all the facts straight in my head. It's okay to leave some background information out in the first chapter and let us keep guessing. It'll also help readers click the next chapter button because they want to know more. Speaking of that, there was a lot of characters introduced and i'm interested to see how they each play a roll and how you're going to handle them. It can be hard to deal with a massive list of people.

I don't typically comment too much on grammar, but there were quite a few issues in this chapter with missing words, articles, and commas. It made the flow of this chapter fairly clunky and it would definitely help if you went through this chapter and cleaned that up. Think of it as a first impression and you want people to keep getting to know the story as you move on so you would dress this chapter up and make it as perfect as you possibly can. Have you tried a beta?

Anyway, enough CC for the moment. The story has an interesting premise and I think that you have some good characters to work with. I like how Ciara is a hardworking and strong woman and that helps me really connect with her. She doesn't seem like the person to fluff about so she is a good voice to carry this story forward. I hope you found this review helpful.

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