|Review:||Mrs Ravenclaus says:|
Look who it is, it’s Mrs Ravenclaus ready to bring on the festive fun! Woot Woot!
I’m not usually a fan of Lily as she’s usually portrayed as some school loving bore if I’m honest, but I really liked yours! She had this nice zest (now I’m comparing her to an orange :P) about it her with the way she was cursing McGonagall and cursing her friends about the Marauders. It just made a really nice change for her to have some negative thoughts about those things as they are often forgotten in stories about her.
I’m actually a massive fan of Marauders clichés such as the Marauders Christmas party and Sirius and his girlfriends, so when I saw them mentioned here I was really happy. I can’t wait to see the party and find out what trouble it will cause for them all. I’ll be watching Lucinda and Sirius carefully because I hope this isn’t just a cruel prank of his with asking her. He can be mean at times so I wouldn’t put it past him.
Several small things I loved included – the title being thrown into the chapter, Alison having no one ask her because yay for that dilemma (lol, jks, it’s just a nice realistic portrayal of everyone’s nightmare coming true), Lily being bullied by her friends and having a nice rebel streak which I can’t wait to see put into action and then James being the best at Transfiguration so she’ll have to go to him for help.
Woo, you also get a free Christmas present of a mini grammar tutorial *cue groaning* :P here ‘‘That’s hardly news, Lucinda.’ Lily stated, ‘ the ‘Lily stated’ is a dialogue tag meaning it’s joined to the dialogue, and that needs to be shown in the punctuation. To do this, you would replace the full stop with a comma and that’s it! It’s rather easy once you get the hang of it, but easy to slip up on. I saw it here ‘‘I told you she wouldn’t be interested, Luce.’ Alison scoffed’, here ‘‘He did look rather pleased with himself.’ Clara affirmed,’, here ‘‘Don’t be so pessimistic, Alison.’ Lily scolded,’ there were a couple of other places too, but they should be easy to spot. :)
Ah this was great and I can’t wait to read on!
Author's Response: Hello Mrs Ravenclaus (or Kiana if you'd prefer now) Thank you for bringing so much festive fun to me :) I really loved all the presents you gave me! Thank you!
I am really glad you liked my portrayal of Lily especially as you said you are not usually a fan of her :) Haha, I did laugh at the 'comparing her to an orange' remark - oranges are Christmasy so it fitted in with the festive-ness ;) It's good to hear you thought it was a nice change for her to be more negative and not such a school loving bore! I just felt that there is so much more to her and that she can't have been perfect at everything!
I'm also glad the cliches made you happy :) I'll be honest, when I first started planning this it didn't occur to me that it was cliche (dur!) and when someone else mentioned it being a bit cliche I was a bit worried, so it is really good to hear that some people actually like the cliches! I'm looking forward to writing the party (and the stuff leading up to it) I don't think it's going to go how people expect it to ;) Ah, Sirius and Lucinda? All I will say on that matter is that everything is not as it seems :p
Ah, I'm glad you liked that Alison had no-one ask her to the party - more on that later in the story ;) Hee, I am so looking forward to writing James and Lily's tutoring sessions, it's good to hear that you look forward to reading it!
No groaning from me! Thank you for the grammar tutorial! Dialogue tags are not my friend and I am never sure of the correct punctuation when writing dialogue, so your mini tutorial here was extremely helpful. 'Thank you for the help,' Haronione said happily. :D Just practising!
Thank you so much for the review, sorry I took so long to respond!