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Review:CambAngst says:
Tagging you from Review Tag!

This was a clever piece. I've always been a fan of the idea that Reg Cattermole's wife was the same person as the Mary MacDonald that Lily Evans mentions in Snape's memories in Deathly Hallows. It just feels like one of those little threads that JKR tends to run through the story. It was fun to see you give her and Reg a fitting back story and breathe more life into the characters.

Beyond just Mary and Reg, you wove in some neat little bits of canon that made the story easy to relate to. The paraphrases from the Potterwatch broadcast that the trio listens to in Deathly Hallows, the pseudonyms used by the contributors, the puking pastille that Hermione slips to Reg and even the bit about Percy receiving a delivery of dragon dung were well done.

The second war was worse than the first because I was more afraid this time around. All the horrors came back, plus the additional fear that came along with being a father. -- I think you pretty much nailed the perspective that Reg would have had with this line. It's easier to be brave when you're only placing yourself at risk.

If I had to offer a bit of constructive criticism about anything in this story, I think it would be the way that Mary marches very stoically to her date with the Muggle-born Registration Commission. As you correctly pointed out early on, she was no stranger to the terrible fates suffered by so many during the first war. She's also a mother now. I though it would have made more sense for her to try to avoid her hearing, albeit unsuccessfully.

Reg's plan to make contact with his wife was nicely executed. Kingsley is recognizable and also a clever, perceptive fellow, just as you've written him here. The reunion was very touching, and it made perfect sense to see the family decide to leave the country for their own safety.

You write very well. Nothing felt awkward or forced and you mix up your word choice well so that nothing sounds singsongy or repetitive. I didn't see any typos, spelling errors or grammar problems. The story has a good pace and it flows really nicely.

Good job!

Author's Response: Hi there!

Wow, thank you for this wonderful review! I'm really glad you liked Reg and Mary's story and found it fitting.

Thanks, I love adding the little details like that! (That Potterwatch broadcast wasn't actually meant to be the same one as the trio listened to, as Fred wasn't there yet - but I'm so glad you enjoyed the snippets of canon and thought it made the story easier to relate to!)

It's so wonderful to hear that you thought Reg was realistic. I had been worried that he might not be believable since I really have little in common with him and was writing well outside my comfort zone there. So thanks!!

That's a great point about Mary though - to be honest I hadn't even considered that. I figured she would have thought there was no way out. But yeah I think I'll go back and make a few changes to that part.

I'm happy that you liked Reg's plan to contact Mary. Kingsley is a cool dude, I like to think that he helped out and his coworkers at the Ministry still had no idea what was going on with him.

I really appreciate your compliments about my writing style! That is lovely to hear. Thanks so much for reading and for the great review!


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