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Review:800 words of heaven says:
Hello again!

So this chapter was really different in tone from the prologue, which I understand, because prologues tend to be that way. They have to be all intriguing and mysterious, whereas chapter ones can be a little more relaxed.

I did enjoy this chapter. I felt that I got a better sense of who Morgan was, and the kinds of people with whom she surrounds herself. The four of them don't quite seem to fit together, but I'm looking forward to reading how you develop their relationship and how everything works out.

If I may offer a little CC, I thought that some things in here were a little... random. Like, why was Fred following Morgan around? It's not as if he doesn't have other friends with whome he could hang out. And why did he feel suddenly jealous? It felt like there wasn't enough development between Morgan and Fred, or just Fred's character to warrant those sorts of feelings. He'd just met her, after all.

I think the littl issue that I had may be partially addressed by just adding more description. I'm terrible at it myself, but I can see the merits of good description, and believe that it fixes most woes. It would really help with character development, and would therefore go a long way in filling some holes!

An enjoyable chapter!

Author's Response: Happy to hear that you like this chapter too and the girl's relationships with each other will be explained in a little more detail in a few chapters time.

I understand where you're coming from with Fred's introduction as I sometimes find it difficult to transfer my thoughts into words. In my mind, Fred's portrayed to be someone that fits in with most people, so to be in a situation when someone doesn't give him the time of day, he becomes both confused and interested with the person.

I know this description is a bit muffled, but I will defiantly edit those bits at some point as I too feel like I did a bad job explaining not just that but also some other things. Thanks for the advice :)


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