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Review:800 words of heaven says:

This is a really good start! You've set up the premise for your story right off the bat, and introduced your main characters as well. Fantastic!

I loved reading Lily and Annie's friendship. The way you've written them, you can tell that they're super close. Their relationship reminded me of the way my friends and I acted at that age, which I think you've shown spot on. Their two teenage girls who get excited over boys and when cool things happen in each other's lives, and rope each other into crazy plans.

I do have one CC, though. I found the flow and pace of the chapter a little off. I liked the way you opened it, by jumping straight into the action, but then you kept on jumping from action to action, with very little room in between to breathe and get to know the characters. I think something that would help with that is a little more description. What you do have in terms of description is nice, so you obviously know how to write it, but just a little more of it would be nice, so we get a better sense of place and characters.

A nice start, though! It'll be interesting to see where you take this!

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for reviewing!

I'm glad you liked their friendship and were able to relate to them a little bit :) I always love when people can relate to characters that they read!

And oh thank you! I'm always looking for good ways to improve my stories so I'll definitely take your CC and use it :)

Thanks again for taking the time out to review! :)


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