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Review:adluvshp says:
Hey! I know I am super duper late in reviewing this for you (you requested it in my thread) but I was so caught up in RL stuff that I didn't remember about the thread, sorry =(

Anyway, I quite like this opening chapter. You have introduced your characters nicely and I am eager to see how they develop and progress in the story. The situation of the Quidditch teams is a solid plot point and I am pleased that you've focused on it since the first chapter itself. The way things are supposedly done in the Quidditch world in your story here is also quite interesting. I like your ideas.

Roxanne seems like a cool character, and Jason seems interesting. I do feel that being an introductory chapter, you should have probably included a little bit more description, such as what these people look like, the settings and environment, and such. That would have been an establishing factor for the rest of the story. Also, another little CC I'd give is to watch out for your grammar. Over all it's okay, but there are a couple of awkward sounding sentences here and there that I think could be fixed, especially when it comes to dialogue.

Apart from that, I think this is a pretty good start. I like the plot, it's something uncommon and fun, and so far it's pretty believable with the rival guy flirting with the girl and stuff. Just make sure it doesn't turn cliche xD The entire chapter flowed smoothly too, and made for an easy read.

Once again, I am awfully sorry for the long wait on this review. I hope it was helpful and I wasn't too harsh. Feel free to re-request. Good luck for the rest of the story!


Author's Response: That's okay hun! I'm super late with this response :P

I'm glad that you like the opening, I wasn't sure how to start this story, and I was thinking about the kinds of things that happen during football, which got me thinking on an official party where matches are drawn there and then.

I really enjoy writing Jason and Roxanne, I should go back and add in what they look like, I might edit that in in a minute.
Thank you for the comments, I'm going to go back and edit the chapter and sort out my grammar etc.

Thank you so much for the review hun! I appreciate it, I hope it doesn't turn cliche at all.

Awww your review wasn't too harsh at all, it's all helpful to making the chapters better. :D

Thank you once again!

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