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Review:MC_HK says:
This review is like, two months over due and I'm so so sorry!

I'll try to make this as best a review as I can. I'm going to start with what you asked me to look at in the chapter.

Improvements: I would say that you tend to be repetitive with some words. I know it's so hard to come up with different words sometimes, but you can also spread them apart more to make them seem less repetitive. A few that stand out to me are "day", "letter", and "yeah." I also love that you put this in first person because it's a very intimate point of view. I do suggest that you stray away from this very repetitive inner monologue of "Yeah, I have this" or "Yeah, I have that" type of thing. While it may be okay once, I think that it is kind of overused here. I think that because you've already told the audience that she is royalty, they will get the point that she has all of these things like body guards and weird letter openers and such.

Believability/Characterization: I think it's quite believable. A young girl having the weight of a whole country on her shoulders at such a young age would be very tired of this kind of thing. It's boring and she surely didn't have a normal childhood. I do also want to mention to be careful with that, because that kind of attitude can make her seem like a flat character. I'm sure once the story gets going though, there will be much more than this :) Also, I did want to ask just out of curiosity, does she not carry her father's last name? you mention her mother having the Evans blond hair, but is Evans her last name or her father's last name? If this is like a royalty thing I have no idea about, then you should definitely touch on that fact in the story itself.

Overall, I'm curious to see how this plays out! Thanks again for being so patient (although you probably forgot you requested, and I'm so so so sorry for that again). Feel free to re-request!


Author's Response: Hi!
As for the overdueness, I'm totally cool with it! I'm pretty bad at answering reviews, so it's completely fine by me! :)

Repetitiveness: got it! I will definitely try and switch some of those words up, so thank you so much for pointing that out!

And yes, that inner monologue I will definitely rework! Again, thank you so much for pointing that out!

And yay! I'm glad it has an air of believeability (even though Avalyn is completely made up!). And yes, don't worry she will be very interesting! Imagine a female version of George Weasley. :P

And she carries her mother's last name because of how the Avalyn royal system is set up, so I will definitely touch on that when I rework this chapter. Once again: thank you so much for pointing that out! Oops! :)

Thank you so much and I hope you do find out what happens! Again, I'm good with the wait (this response is already a month late, so no worries!). And I will try to as best I can!

Thank you so much Mon! This was super helpful and made me very happy!


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