|Review:||Penelope Inkwell says:|
Oh my gosh, this was brilliant! I loved it! Iíve seen several interesting charactersí stories submitted recently for that Unusual Voices contest, but this is my favorite so far. I just love how you depicted Reg. His character in this story had that same aura about him--a man who was a bit lost, a bit hapless, and never thought of himself as all that clever. But he came through! That was fast thinking on the moss, and finding a way to let Kingsley know that Reg suspected who he was. And studying up on how to Apparate long-distance. Well done, Reg! I was proud of him.
I felt that you struck a very nice balance in your portrayal of him. Itís obvious that he depended a lot on Mary, and that in losing her he lost a lot of himself. However, he keeps going as best he can, for the sake of his kids. I like that you included things like his losing his job and taking smoking back up, though, because it was realistic. Just because he wanted to be able to take care of his family couldnít possibly erase his fear or depression. However, he obviously still took care of them *in spite* of being so down which just made me love him more. You can see that heís trying. He makes the kids pancakes! After all heís lost, noticing that heíd taken that effort to do something special for his children the day they hear Maryís voice just made me practically tear up! Details. I love them.
And then how Mary was on the run, helping the resistance while she hoped to find her family--how awesome is she? You see that she really is all that Reg thought she was, not just a romanticization of the wife he lost. You see why he depended on her so much, as she was obviously a strong, brave woman.
I liked how, in the end, they fled to France, because itís the kind of thing you wonder about, reading the books. They can travel magically--surely some people are at least *trying* to escape? And here they do.
The only CC I could think to offer was that in the paragraph that says, "Mafalda poisoned me along the way, so I missed Maryís trial while I was sick in the street,Ē the description seemed a bit abrupt. It pulled me out of the story for a moment before I remembered that Mafalda was Hermione. I thought it might help if you described how she poisoned him, or that he thought he felt her tear out some of his hair. However, when Reg suspects that she might be in league with Voldemort, it gave me a bit of a chuckle :) Thatís really the only thing I could think of , as far as CC goes.
Overall, this was just quite well-written--I loved all the details you worked in. The plot was well-constructed, and Reg was an excellent choice of a protagonist. You took someone who never really stood out much in a world full of colorful characters, and you showed us why he was important. Very nice work! I really enjoyed it.
Author's Response: Hi! Wow, where to begin - this was such a lovely review and I had to just read it over and enjoy it multiple times because it was so great.
Ah, I'm so flattered that this is your favourite one you've read! (If you haven't read the three entries that won, though, you should definitely take a look because they are amazing and definitely worth reading.) I'm glad you liked the way I wrote Reg, and that he seemed like a realistic person! I was really hoping he'd seem real, as I had a bit of trouble writing him since I have very little in common with him. So thank you, that is wonderful to hear! And yeah, I'm a detail person too, I love little things like that.
That's a wonderful way of describing Mary, I'm so glad you liked her. I thought that even people as strong as she was would still have a breaking point and so it seemed natural that after all they'd been through, they'd just try to escape. You're right, I'm sure a lot of people had the same idea!
Thank you for that CC! I wrote this in a hurry to make the deadline and now that I look back at it, it is an abrupt sentence, so I rephrased it a little - thanks for pointing it out.
Thanks so much for this amazing and thoughtful review, I appreciate it so much! ♥♥