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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hi!

I rather liked the bleak description that Walburga had. It was rather unexpected to say the least because given how wordy she is in portrait form I almost anticipated it to be the same here, but it was so sparse and bare and a great surprise. It just gave this air of remoteness from her and the world and fitted really well with her thoughts.

Her comments on her family were really interesting to read. It was as if she wanted to regard them with contempt but there was still that small part of her which held her back as if she could never really voice what she wanted to. It was an interesting dynamic and fitted well with the pure blood idea of women being restricted in their speech.

The comments on Muggles again intrigued me because they were so shocking. I hope you develop the backstory as to why she thinks like that about them as it is a little different and would be great to read. Then again, from the way sheís describing the horrors of pure blood life I donít really blame her yearning for a Muggle one!

The last line was really powerful. She really is on the verge of giving up here so it will be interesting to see how she decides to carry on with the struggle of what she wants. I also really like her characterisation as well because thatís though provoking too.

I spotted a few small errors such as here ĎAcross the room, I Alphard is mumbling in his sleep.í Where you donít need the I. You were often quite keen on using semicolons throughout this piece too, which is good because you used them correctly but varying it up a little will make it more fresh. :)

Great start and I canít wait to read more!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Kiana!

Thanks so much for the lovely review! There's always mistakes in my pieces, even with the lovely Lululuna beta-ing it. I'll go through and fix that up a bit, and tone down with the semicolons (I love them, in case you couldn't tell).

Thanks so much!

-Janelle


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