Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:randomwriter says:
Hello Kiana! :)
I'm here for our swap. Sorry it took me a while to review this. I've been fairly busy!
On a side note, WOOHOO for completing 50K already! *hands over celebratory cake and balloons* :D

Okay, now onto the story.
I really like the idea of a short story collection about Andromeda's life. I too have a soft soft for her and I'll definitely stick with this story :) It'll be interesting to see which moments of her life you choose to write about, and how you show them.

I really liked the voice in which you wrote this. Andromeda's inner voice, I think, is perfect, especially because it is so simplistic and it goes well with her only being eight. You've written her thoughts well too.

Showing Bella as the darker one from their early years. I also like that Narcissa is the follower without a backbone, because it explains her later self quite well. Andromeda, of course, is already slightly breaking away from everything her family stands for. I like how you didn't show it explicitly because she still is a child, after all. But you can see the signs here, and I think that it's a great way of building her character. We don't see much of Lucius, so I'm not sure. But he seems like the kind who does as he's told. So I suspect that he was taught 'the proper ways of being a pure-blood' when he was younger, and he might just have absorbed it at it's face value without questioning it So, that's a plus on characterisation! :)

I especially loved the conversation between Bella and Cissy because it shows how they were conditioned to hate muggle-borns from their childhood. In a way, it wasn't even their choice.

About the flow and the pacing, I really like how you didn't drag it out. It was somehow fitting because she's very young and childlike and the human attention span during that period is very low, if that makes sense. It somehow felt appropriate. I had to re-read some bit because it was slightly confusing, but not enough to really detract from the story, so maybe you could see if you want to edit some parts, but I don't believe that it's necessary.

All in all, this was a really nice read and it fit in really well with the image I have in my head! Ping me when you update next :) I'm sure to read it.

Love Adi :)

Author's Response: Hey Adi!

It's fine, I've taken a while to respond to this so we're quits :P Thanks for the cake by the way!

I'm so glad that you liked the idea because when you think about it an awful lot of things have happened in it yet no one seems to write her so I hope to create a revolution with more emphasis on her :P

Yes Narcissa as the follower is sort of a recurring theme throughout this short story collection so I hope you like it. I'm glad you liked how Bella and Andromeda are also mimicking their later characters as I wasn't too sure about it. Lucius will pop (I think?) again in this so no worries you will see him again!

Yes, I would definitely agree with that for Bella though I do hope to show a different side to Cissy so watch and wait :P

I tried to not drag it out because I used to do it all the time with pointless description and stuff but it just made it worse even if it was longer :P I'll definitely re-read it again because I think at times it delved too much into a child's mindset thus leading to the confusion that you had!

Thank you for this wonderful review, I will definitely ping you when the next chapter's up which I hope is in a couple of days!

-Kiana


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 643
Submit Report: